Strenghtened by bitterness
by aminervapr
Summary: This is me adding my grain of sand in the many theories about the mystery of Rey. The "Anakin Skywalker reborn" theory has been getting a lot of attention. While I love the complexity of the Skywalker patriarch, I don't think this'd be a good idea for the new trilogy. However, reincarnation is fascinating stuff so I'm all for it so long as it's done right, hence my spin on this.
1. Chapter 1

Year 28 ABY  
For as long as she can remember, she's felt the call to the ocean. An endless array of green, gray, bright and clouded blue. In her dreams she sees these colors, these foam coated waves so very different from the ever present sand. Unkar had told her there was no such thing as an ocean. Perhaps not on Jakku, but surely the galaxy has a water planet somewhere! If all the stars can offer is deserts then her family might be looking for her in the wrong place. That might be why they're talking such a considerable amount of time coming back. No, she says to herself. She shouldn't waste time on such petty ideas. Ideas don't put portions on the table. If they did, her rebel dolly would earn 60 portions per hour. At any rate mister dolly has better ideas than Unkar. When her family comes back, she's definitely not going to visit that overgrown larva.

ßß

Year 29 ABY

Of all her dreams the waters are the most peaceful. The island each current beats against became her sanctuary. The untouchable asylum within the contours of her mind. When the night's frosty air chilled her to the bone, she'd summon the warmth of the island. When her bones broke (she had stopped trading for bacta after turning nine, one patch had cost her twelve portions, it wasn't worth the hunger pangs.) she'd picture the healing rush of the tides. The fourteen year old girl only has two types of dreams, or as she likes to call them: heaven and hell. Heaven is the mountains, beautifully scattered across her island, eternally guarded by the silent guardian angel whose back is always turned. A deep sorrow plagues him, he prays in Amatakka, she's not sure how she knows that but Rey is 100% certain that's what he's speaking. She tries to touch him, feel his cream colored cloak yet he slips away every time. He is like is the horizon, wonderful to gaze upon, exhilarating with the light that shines around him yet impossible to grasp. When she was seven, one of the scavengers had tried to take her to something called a brothel, saying she'd be much more comfortable in a soft feather bed than whatever shelter found here. Rey said no, her family left her on this side of Jakku, they wouldn't check the other side. Besides she likes fixing stuff and this "brothel" doesn't seem the sort of place for those activities. His traveling companion told her no sentient without a mental illness would marry a woman who chose looking for junk over a good night's sleep. Rey quips back that she doesn't want any husband they recommend. When she's all grown up she'll marry the guardian angel.

Hell is nowhere as pleasant. Above all, its a feeling: venom dexterously flooding her senses, colder than the snows of Hoth, deadlier than the flames of Mustafar. The poison stems from a shadow, deceptively frail and meek. His robe black as tar, his withered skin accentuating malefic yellow eyes that scrutinize each breath. He feigns endearment to her in public, assumes the role of a loving, grandfatherly figure. In private he touches her breasts with his spiderlike nails. His façade vanishes all too soon as he pulls her down into his quarters. Once the door closes, all modesty vanishes as his talons further blemish a body of mist like ivory, now coated with scarlet gushing through her thighs. With full intent, he thrusts inside her womb in an effort to conceive.

She's twelve and pregnant and her Master is ecstatic until she refuses his order to give her child to the inquisitors (whoever they are, they don't sound very nice) when it is born. He says nothing, _she's failed him by yielding to a wanton desire_ **(the real Rey wants to squeeze the life out of this prick for brainwashing anybody this way. Somebody should throw him off a ledge).** The day after, he asks " do you love me, my hand?" Her affirmation is so fast she pities her imaginary self. Decrepit palms hand her a chalice. Her devotion helps her silence the shrieks echoing through the air. She drinks and screams from the pain. The small swell of her stomach is gone and she can't have another babe. He praises her loyalty, commends her sacrifice in tones meant to be soothing that sends shivers down her spine. Even worse, in her dreams she loves him for it. She wakes up that day to find blood trickling from her body. Her face turns white and she tries to scream but her lips are too frightened to move. _He was real, he did_ _this to me_. In a frenzy she scrambles to erase the evidence of his defilement. The old woman at the Nimaa outpost sees her burning undergarments and asks when her moon blood started. She raises both eyebrows in confusion. The moon can bleed? Noticing her bewilderment, the elderly scavenger takes her aside to explain basic female anatomy for humans. The teenage girl has never been so grateful to be proven wrong .

* * *

Author's Notes:

Just in case it wasn't clear enough, I'm going with the premise that Rey is the reincarnation of Mara Jade Skywalker.

This character first appeared in Timothy Zahn's Thrawn Trilogy. Raised by emperor Palpatine, she held the position of "The Emperor's Hand", making her a Sith Acolyte, Assassin, Spy and Courtesan all in one.

 _ **You will pry Mara Jade's marriage to Luke from my cold, dead body. Got it Darth Mickey!?**_

Pleaseeee read and review, comments are often the best part of an author's day and are a wonderful source of motivation.


	2. Han Solo I

Chapter: Han Solo I

Year 26 ABY  
A lot of people think space is cold. A gaping hole covered in stars to keep it from smothering every living organism. Not Han Solo, for the aged Corellian smuggler space means flying and flying means freedom. Always has, always will. There'd been a time that was all he needed in life. His trusty ship, his pal Chewie, a blaster and occasionally a beautiful woman. He'd joined The Empire to eat, not because he cared about some "backwater terrorists" causing trouble in the Outer Rim. He'd left it when saving his wookie companion* because he was a rebel at heart, though he'd spent his whole life denying if he hadn't booked a flight for an strange old man with sagely eyes traveling alongside a stargazing kid. Lately he's been piling up a ton of regrets but that'll never be one of them.

He wonders what that old man would think if he saw him now. Old Kenobi was far too self-contained to gloat, "I told you" might cross his mind but that's the end of it. Still, the old ways had nothing against all-knowing smirks, so he's definitely on the receiving end of one if that old coot's watching over him. He had told a Clone Wars legend he didn't believe in the Force. Now he needs it to be real, otherwise he's just a shell shocked father with no hope of ever finding his boy. He killed countless times during the Galactic Civil War, some for self-preservation but most for The Rebel Alliance yet none of his battle victims come back to haunt him at night. No, the only face that ever did that was his son's. _Oh, Benny where are you? Are you safe? Are you paying the cost for our_ sins?Last time he saw him, Ben was growing like a weed. He wanted to set his stone on the family legacy, with all the ferocity of youth. He and Leia had tried to give him the childhood neither of them got to enjoy. Growing up in the streets robbed him of his innocence just as much as the Empire's shadow did to her. Luke was the only one of the original trio who had a normal life before joining the cause.

Maybe that's part of why he's so different: Han would burn half the galaxy for his loved ones, no questions asked unless there were inoccents involved. That's where he draws the line. Leia would burn her enemies alive for the Republic, for the ghost of Alderaan, the cherished memory of Bail Organa. The whole point of fighting a war is restoring the peace so everyone can go home. The princess of Alderaan can never go home, her war will never end. Luke would set himself on fire if it meant no one else had to die. Kid always wore his heart on his sleeve. He brought out the best in people. Tried to save everybody, even the folks who weren't worth it. By some miracle or sheer dumb luck, the kid's constant bets on unlikely redemption paid off when they needed it most.

He's paying tribute to one of those crazy gambles right now. Fortunately, nobody recognizes him as he heads to the Jedi Memorial on Yavin 4. He's glad for that, he doesn't want to play-act the myth again. Wordlessly he places a bouquet of Naboo roses next to the figure of a redhead, the artist failed to capture her, he thinks. They painted the warrior and forsook the woman. Her copper hair is loose, dancing as she readies the lightsaber that was Luke's and his father's before him*. She loved braiding it, even if she hated the color at first. Felt it made her an outcast, sorrounded by chestnut, black & blond locks but never admitted it. Her way of dealing with things back then consisted of shielding all pain from the world. Healthy emotions were foreign to never worked on Luke, he saw her in all that mismatched glory. Kid showed her a holocrom of Obiwan Kenobi in his glory days and she felt proud to share a feature with a hero 've portrayed Luke's padawan, his shield sister, the first of the New Jedi, no reference was made to his wife.

It's more simple than the newer momument for the massacre. The Jedi are dramatic in their actions but austere in all forms of decorating. Their way is one of toil and sacrifice, wealth has no place amongst spiritual growth. Gold is and will always be unwelcome in the hall of purity. Luke had said that, standing calm and undaunted, ready for the next adventure. Kid could stand in a room full of treasures and never be tempted. He was never selfish, Mara was the only thing he ever let himself have.

After Endor, they had looked for information regarding his mother. Luke expected a quiet country girl who loved till her heart burst. Leia expected a respectable noble woman who found out too late she'd married the Devil. What they found was Queen Amidala, another pedestal to measure themselves to. **(Cause Anakin Skywalker, The Organa family and Darth freaking Vader wasn't bad enough. How and when did he become the closest thing to normal in this bunch?)** Their cousin Pooja hesitated to touch them. Wedge, Chewie and Lando were more family than this tearstricken woman who hugs Leia like she's a phantom. She complimented Leia telling her how much she looked like her mother. The twins flooded her with questions. Sola, their aunt had answered most of them. Where Pooja had focused on Leia, Sola's interest never left Luke. She led them to their mother's portrait and Han understood why. Pooja was still a child when she lost her aunt. Their relationship was one of love, devotion and loads of admiration on the girl's side but the complexity of Luke and Leia's mother was never fully revealed to her. Sola changed her little sister's diapers, afterwards she carried the queen's cape at Amidala's coronation, sat on the front row of her Senatorial debut & was chief mourner at her funeral. No one save Amidala's handmaidens (the originals, remaining since the Trade Federation invaded) knew her so intimately. Sola had judged Padme's children by the heart. Physically Leia mirrors the deceased Naboo leader but Luke's the one who embodies the loving gaze of his mother.

 _Damn_ _, he misses his best friend_

Notes:

* * *

*In the Expanded Universe we learn that Han Solo's friendship with Chewbacca started with the Corellian pilot saving the wookie's life. Han was a young lieutenant in the academy with a bright future ahead of him. His superiors all thought he was Death Squadron material. While silencing a rebel sector in Kashykk, Chewbacca was captured after leading wookie children to safety. The commanding officer told his men to "skin the beast alive". Han defied orders, knocked the officer unconscious and both fled the Empire together. Chewie swore a life debt to Solo and the rest is history.  
* Luke actually gifted Mara Jade his father's lightsaber in the EU.


	3. Chapter 3

30 ABY

Lor San Tekka should be dead by now, if the laws of logic applied to him. Rey is convinced the spirits watch over the village leader. He insists on being just to all men, courteous to all women. Shares his food and water with strangers. No one's ever fought him, his presence is surprisingly calming. Even Unkar Plutt seems to soften around him. Compassion is a surefire way to get killed out here. The desert is mercilessly blunt in its dealings. It renders no favors, strips you of all vanities. The stupid die first, followed by the reckless, the meek and the generous. Those under his command, _or guidance as he prefers to call it_ , call him a strange title only they understand.

 **Force listener,** they say reverently in cautious tones, almost like a prayer or a blessing in disguise. No one knows where he came from, making him subject to many a rumor. The most popular of these puts him as one of the last imperial admirals at the Battle of Jakku. According to this version, Lor San Tekka went back to his starship for a member of his battalion, there after witnessing the horrors he had imparted, he swore to dedicate the rest of his life to peace and teach others to spurn war. Some have proclaimed him a messenger sent by a benevolent God. Others claim he's a demon in beggar's clothing waiting for the right moment to slaughter them all. As far as Rey is concerned, he is a humble man leading a humble people.

She's never met the man in person but his settlement is well-fed, educated and clothed. That says a lot about the man in her opinion. The village offers the best medical care on the planet. Quick, uncontaminated and most importantly, free of charge. If she'd been aware of his hospitality since the beginning, then her body would be less scarred. The usual healer is dead. Apparently there's an unwritten rule condemning physicians who fix prosthetics to death. As a result, Rey will be attended by Lor San Tekka himself. Her first reaction to the elderly man is fear. She's never seen a humanoid male older than 40 except the shadow and that's not a good start for any healthy relationship! Screw this, she's fifteen: a woman fully grown, she'll set her fractured ribs back herself.

He walks noiselessly, assessing the situation before coming closer. Ever so slowly, he places his hand on her shoulder. She's filled in a way she'd never imagined by a peace unlike any other. _This is what the shadow pretended to be. How he wanted me to see him._ The shadow's comfort was a well placed illusion made to shroud the depths of his gruesome desires , Lor San Tekka's is the reality. Alright then, sir. I'll give you a chance ( **if he starts resembling the shadow in even the tiniest bit, her staff goes through his heart, consequences be damned.)** He tends to her wounds methodically, his touch never lingering more than the necessary. When he's finished he views her, not with pity, _stars she hates pity,_ but as if he believes no living soul should endure her plight. _So that's what empathy looks like_...

By the end of the week, a new healer arrives. She asks to be always be attended by Lor San Tekka. He catches her reading his manual and takes it upon himself to teach her as many languages as possible. Her upbringing presents a challenge, something he can't wait to overcome. Rey grows increasingly fond of him. When most people look at the scavenger they see a burden, a nuisance. The old man sees someone he can't quite place. "Like a dream, or the dream of a dream. At any rate I'm not qualified to uncover your secret, my child. My specialty lies in books. I hail from a world of ponderous tomes more than the present day. Someone more adept at reading people will be the one to decipher your code, little one." he tells her while eating his gruel. "I'd rather you stuck to your books. Dreams are a joyless affair, my friend. Be wary of them, please". Okay, maybe she sounds a little desperate but it's not like friends are easy to find here! Thankfully, he takes her advice and never mentions dreams again. To make up for it, he bring her to the village storytelling. Their oral history opens her mind in ways she'd never imagined. She has something to look forward to. Her inner child rejoices at the thought of Darth Revan and Bastila Khan defeating Malak, the Battle of Alderaan, Mandalore's pacifist reform, Master Yoda's wisdom, Lady Padme's lament. Of the rebellion forged by Amidala's dying breath and the lives of Bail Organa, Mon Mothma, Galen Marek and Ahsoka Tano. That's where she hears his name. **Luke Skywalker** , she thinks, is the greatest story ever told for he is hers. She's certain that he belongs to her as much as her angel. More than anything except her family, she wants him to be real. At night, just after counting the markings on her AT-AT she whispers his name, in an effort to will him into existing.

Some of the travelers mention him in passing. Every opinion regarding him is absolute. _Sithspawn, trigger-happy conjurer_ th _e_ lost Inner-Rim pleasure cruisers label him ( **she punches that captain in the jaw),** _Criminal scum, __mass murdering cultist_ th _e_ stormtroopers call him **(Lor San Tekka stops her from knocking the bucket off his face)**. _Savior, comrade in arms_ th _e_ middle-aged pilot declares him _ **(**_ **sh** _ **e**_ **hugs *Wedge Antill** _ **es**_ **who thanks her** _ **for**_ **defending what** _ **Luke**_ **represents).** Whether or not he's _a_ myth _is_ irrelevant _to all of_ them. They've taken _a farmboy,_ shaped him to fit their point of view, determine who gets to play God, paint a War black and white. They picture Luke and see Empires topple, good versus evil, an endless cycle of _"justice's pursuit."_ All she sees is _Luke,_ that's why most of the galaxy will _never_ understand the way she loves his story.

* * *

Notes: *Wedge Antilles: the most underappreciated character of the Original Trilogy. The only person besides Luke to attack and survive both Death Stars. Han comes in at the last minute, he gets the medal, the girl, the cosplay and a horde of fangirls. Wedge was in ANH, ESB & ROTJ. Lando was only in ESB & ROTJ but everyone knows him. Wedge led Rogue Squadron while Luke was on Dagobah, deserted the Empire to join the rebels and got tortured by Isard in the EU but never spilled any secrets. What does Wedge get? No mention whatsoever during TFA. Anyone agree with me when I say this is unfair?


	4. Chapter 4

7 ABY

Why is it no one in their kriffing family is attracted to ordinary human beings? Is it so hard for men to meet a waitress or farmer in a market, ask her out for drinks and get married 2-3 years later? If so she thanks the Force for being female. Her brother can deny it from Lothal to Corellia but he's painfully in love with this...this _woman,_ this Mara Jade. Luke is many things: an exemplary pilot, a brilliant military commander, a good shot, a loving friend and brother but he's no swindler; all his lies are see-through. Luke doesn't love partially, he cares too much for his own good. That's why she has to keep an eye on him, she won't lose him to _Padawan Jade_ like she lost their birth mother to **Vader.** He insists that her _tutelage_ is strictly platonic. Luke hasn't said how they met but R2- D2 tells her everything. The old astromech droid recorded their training sessions, documents her every move. From the looks of it her brother's a chaste teacher, his most "sensual" touch so far consists of hugging his _student._ Even then it was to calm her down during a panic attack too real for acting **( especially since it was caused by C3P0)***. He's strict but not unneccesarily demanding. The New Jedi will thrive under his careful leadership. By the end of the month she's confused. Miss _Imperial femme fatale_ is undoubtedly a trained seductress but she makes no effort to spellbind Luke. In fact Mara's the one captivated by Luke's dorky mannerisms. What is she waiting for?

Lately Artoo's documentation is lacking. The old boy's either malfunctioning or hiding something from her. That droid didn't breakdown after Dagobah, so he won't conk out from a little spying. She bypasses his programming to get the information. At first glance, the images are harmless. Luke leading his apprentice into a room, the apprentice by herself in the same room smiling more sofly than Leia thought possible. It's not until she hears " I've never held a baby before, not even a dead one. I hope they're all as nice as you Ben" that she connects the dots. What follows is an argument with every member of her family. Luke has grown distant from her since she refused to train in the Jedi arts (If she had foreseen Palpatine's pet project , then she would have accepted). It only got worse after she's started working in the Senate. Despite everything, Luke is still a dreamer. Fantasies are fine every blue moon but they wont wipe the tears away. She expected her brother to be fooled by her craft, she didn't expect her husband to follow. **Han knew, he knew Luke brought a Sith minion near their son and didnt tell her!** Instead of apologizing for the reckless endangerment of their son her husband scoffs. "Tell me your worshipfulness when was the last time you entered Ben's nursery cause I see Red ( **He's got a pet name for Jade now, seriously** ) there almost every day!'' She freezes at his words: Leia hasn't visited as much as she wanted. Her position in the New Republic is highly demanded at best & time-draining at worst. Was she really naïve enough to think the galaxy would fall into place after they won the war? That she and Han could just sail away on the Falcon & live happily ever after ?

They ended one phase of the war only to wage another. Its not like she's relaxing at the spa for crying out loud! Their task to protect and serve the galaxy hasn't ended. Her son will understand the cost of liberty when he's older, once he starts showing an interest in work she'll bring him along. Just like her father( **her real father, not the sperm donor Luke talks to excitedly** ) did after he taught her to walk in his office. She doesn't mind the price for a strong Republic where the next generation can live in peace. Still it wouldn't hurt to interact with Luke's Padawan from time to time, she supposes, for her brother's sake. Leia invites her to tea, Mara arrives with Ben in her arms. A peace offering, her way of saying "Trust me". He's grown since she last saw him. Tentatively, he sends her his joy using a power she'd hoped to spare him from. Leia smiles at him, inwardly she's terrified & damning the Skywalker gene pool. Ben might not see her conflict but Mara does. She makes sure Ben is having too much fun to notice. After they've tucked him to bed Leia jokingly asks if there'll be a Ben Skywalker in the not so distant future cause her Ben will feel honored if that happens. Jade kisses Ben's forehead, feels his dark curls and politely requests to be excused. _She recognizes the mournful gleam in her eyes._ Han's friend Maz Kanata ( who may or may not be Chewie's girlfriend) believes you can see the same eyes in different people. She's seen Mara's gaze in the women forcefully sterilized by the Empire in prison. On the sobbing mothers cradling their burnt children's corpse. To her Ben isn't a tool for the dark side, he's the only child she will ever have. Palpatine was her Vader, only she had no Bail Organa to guard her cradle at night. As a consequence the Emperor used her to his shriveled heart's delight. If someone put her on death row Luke would be the only one to vouch for her innocence ( though Han is getting there). Artoo is relieved of spying duty, Leia finds a friend, Ben gets a babysitter. She asks the redhead an honest opinion regarding her brother. Her answer is not what she expected(she says: **Luke is the only fairytale I've ever heard that turned better in the face of reality).** They seem idyllic together, her son and future sister in-law (stop being so selfless Luke, just this once think of yourself and marry the girl). Mara's the one who introduces Ben to his best friend (Poe, Moe? The name escapes her)* who insists they're going to fight bad guys together. According to Han's recounting of their make-believe stage, the kids have it all figured out: Ben will be Anakin Skywalker, Ben's friend will be Captain Rex, he'll be Obiwan Kenobi and Mara will be Ahsoka Tano. (She prays they don't share the fate of said heroes). At year's end strangers compliment Mara on what a beautiful boy she has, Ben doesn't correct them. She thinks he didn't hear them, he's barely three years old. Her son loves her, she's his mom and he wouldn't have it any other way.

(She's proven wrong years later when the Solo family finds out Mara Jade Skywalker died because Ben runs towards his father in the middle of the night screaming " ** _Mommy's dead!_** " and keeps screaming that awful sentence long after Han wakes her up to prove she's fine.)

27 ABY

The Knights of Ren storm Ilum for kiber crystals. Kylo Ren stands at the front of his men. When resistance troops arrive to analyze the damage they find the face of every Jedi mutilated with the exception of Anakin Skywalker and Mara Jade. Seeing her face intact gives her hope that Ben is not completely gone. **Vader** comes to her (why can't he just leave her alone) to comfort his _only daughter._ She doesn't need his damned support, she doesn't want it. He has taken everything from her: Her birth mother and innocence through his actions, her homeworld through his arsenal, her son through his cursed legacy. Her husband and brother have fled from her life. Han was sick of politics, sick of hypocrisy, sick of preaching to the air. _The chances of him returning are the same_ _as Mara coming back from_ _the dead_. Luke Skywalker is her only hope ( **and so history repeats itself),** she has to get him back, needs him to believe again. The galaxy depends on it. Not training in the force has come back to bite her in the ass. The Senate proclaims her a warmongering hag. She has fought all her life to bring others freedom, in turn she has received deaf ears to the call for equity. The New Republic has rejected the chance to aid their own salvation. Her child is lost in the shroud of the dark side. _Briefly she imagines her sister in law telling Ben "_ _ **cut the sith garbage and come home before I beat the crap out of you".**_ The saddest part of it is that she didn't lose Ben when he turned away from the light. She lost him the day she chose duty over love, the bleeding crowds over her wounds, long before he was even born. When a little girl sitting on her father's lap was asked "whom will you love most my darling?" & answered "Alderaan, the jewel of the galaxy and the Republic for which we engage in our honorable fight". Alderaan is dust, the Republic is a time bomb. The fight is all she truly has left. Leia does what Bail Organa raised her to do: she soldiers on.

 _Oh Mara, what would you do in my stead?_

* * *

Notes:

* Poor Mara confused our beloved Goldenrod with (000) Triple-Zero, a droid specialized in etiquette, customs, translation and torture (mostly torture). That droid made General Grievous look emotionally stable with its penchant for torturing and exterminating people indiscriminately.  
*Yes, The Force Awakens Poe Dameron, tragic isn't it.  
* A lot of people doing "How Ben Solo turned to the Dark Side" stories paint Han Solo as a distant, uncaring parent who never had time for his son. I disagree, if OT canon is anything to go by Leia would be the one to set her kid aside for "the greater good".  
a) In Darth Vader Down #1 Princess Leia knowingly put Luke in danger for a chance to terminate Darth Vader. Luke was able to land Vader by ramming his X-Wing into Vader's TIE fighter. As a result Leia sent a squadron to hunt down Vader but requested no rescue party for Luke. When Han confronted her about this she answered "Luke would understand, this is a priority". Solo quipped back "Nice to know where your priorities lie. If you'll excuse me Your Majesty-ness, some of us have friends to save". Captain Solo took the Falcon and flew up with Chewie to save Luke.  
b) Leia sent Han to save her son instead of going herself. That sounds pretty sketchy in my opinion.  
Hands out tin cup:  
Comments please?


	5. Chapter 5

32 ABY

FN-2187 can substitute the instructor and only the most observant of his fellow troopers would notice. Honestly he's bored stiff of the droning repetition. He's aware of the importance behind their past. The First Order is all that stands between the feral Resistance the New Republic chose to Rebel predecessor had kept a paper-thin tactical advantage by digging up forgotten battle strategies from the Clone Wars. Should they overlook any masterminding, however feeble it may be, then all will be lost. To prevent this from happening, every member of the First Order's army must commit Old Republic and Rebel Alliance profiles to memory. Their names, tactical strenghts and weaknesses, etc. To truly defeat your enemy one must understand them. He wonders if he's allowed to respect them or simply hate them mindlessly over warfare carved out by the previous generation.

His file states he was born eleven years after the battle of Endor. At five years standard he had laughed at the thought of the Empire's finest crushed by a ragtag group of soldiers and primitive life forms resembling plush toys, baffling trainees & supervisor alike. Enraged, the supervisor had dragged him to a room where he was stripped down, whipped and beaten within an inch of his life. They said it was an act of kindness to purge the malice from him. All it did was ensure all future laughs regarding victories were confined to his head. Over the years, different officers have formed opinions on him. Some have stated that he is destined for glory, that his insight and loyalty shall further the path of righteousness erected by Palpatine, armored by Vader, continued by Snoke. Others have claimed he is too compassionate, unnecessarily benign, that his skills are wasted in a trooper so prone to sentimentality. FN-2187 cares little for the assumptions of men who play at war. The Knights Of Ren are nothing short of **despicable** but at least they always go where's the fighting's thickest. He doubts any of these these highbrow bureaucrats have the guts to pull the trigger if push comes to shove, except for General Hux, _that man could kill a planet without blinking_.The rest see this war as a prize to be won, blind to the cost of triumph.

So far, their history has been taught orally. Holovideos depicting the Death Star, Empire Day parades and Darth Vader being the exception. Today a limited number of people, himself included, have the privilege of meeting a survivor of the first Death Star. His companions are buzzing with excitement, just as he should be. But FN-2187 can't summon forth any giddiness. It only gets worse when the wizened old man is brought before them and every bone in his body clamors _get out of there!_ Something deep inside the youth tells him that the man before them has gaily plunged in mortal sin. That his words are poison, sweet and succinct but toxic all the same. Their _most honored guest_ regales them with tales of Imperial grandeur. From the _scrupulous_ execution of Order 66 ** _(_** ** _why does he wanna throw up when he hears that?!)_** to the height of The Galactic Civil War. FN-2187's endeavor to silence fails after hearing of Alderaan's destruction. To make matters worse, he utters the word his superiors hate most.

"Why? I mean, wasn't it more logical to set a blockade around the planet? Alderaan was one of the richest worlds in the known sectors of the galaxy, yet we eliminated those resources to subdue a bloodthirsty princess, a plan which backfired on Moff Tarkin, giving the rebels a propaganda tool and facilitating our demise".

Every head in the room turns to face him. If looks could kill, he'd be obliterated. Questions are not encouraged, he knows this. But whatever reason justifies blowing up millions is beyond him. He steels himself for his termination. Captain Phasma snaps her fingers and two soldiers grab him. His gut tells him they want him to scream, he won't give them that satisfaction. A voice, the same voice that kept him alive when he was sprawled out in the floor so long ago calls out to him. ( _ **Kyleeeeeeeee!)* .**_ A man, dressed in black and tall as a steeple emerges. His chocolate eyes stare intently at the situation, clearly enraged at the following outcome. To FN-2187's surprise the troopers release him without a sound. The strange silhouette beckons him to walk beside him, he follows immediately. His unlikely rescuer strolls next to General Hux just to piss him off. This can only mean two things: this man is either highly influential or set on inventing a new type of stupid. _Please be the first option. Oh, karabast he's speaking to me. He's going to say it's a trick to lull idiots into a false sense of security. I should have known..._

"So tell me trooper, what gave you the nerve to publicly shame your whole regiment? " "Also stop thinking I'm going to kill you, it's very distracting, not to mention rude".

It's official, he's suffered a mental collapse. Might as well go along with it and ask mystery man his own questions." Well then sir, why did you help me?"

"Smart and analytical. Aren't you a rarity?" "Let me show you something trooper".

They stop walking. Mystery man puts his hand against the wall. Out of nowhere the corridor opens before them. He's led to Spartan chambers with a bunch of ashes that look way out of place. Mystery figure then starts digging through the cinders, looking to the trooper like a man on a mission till he unearths a weird metal cube.

" Go on, click it. I'm not getting any younger over here ".

What the hell, he's made it this far. He's met with the image of a baby-faced blonde holding hands with a red-headed, hazel-eyed lady. The woman giggles sofly as the blonde man whispers into her ear. An antique protocol droid begging a group of pilots dressed in orange jumpsuits and a scruffy faced Corellian bumping shoulders with the blonde man to recalibrate his circuits after " Master Ben and young Dameron" switched his settings to Huttese. The hazel-eyed woman running playfully after two dark haired boys. Beyond the shadow of a doubt, these images are the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

"The blonde man is Luke Skywalker, the redhead is Mara Jade".

"Is this a joke, sir?"

"I don't have much humor these days. Honest answer: what do you think about them?"

"Honestly? Your holovids don't match with their profiles. "There's more than all of you are showing".

"That's why I spared you trooper. The order will never survive without variety. Hux swears by his troop's lack of individuality but sheep only travel so far. We need adaptable men and women, capable of grasping different points of view".

His strange companion stares longingly at the image of the woman. His slender hand ghosts over her azure face. As if he missed her, needed her like a blind man wandering hopelessly in search of the sunlight. As if there were no words to hold her brilliance, describe the undecipherable value of her life

"Did you know her?"

His enigmatic companion closes the box & smirks dolefully. _That's it, I crossed the line. I'm done for. Slips can have my good pair of combat boots._

"I belong to her, the best of me is hers and always will be. She had no reason to love me but she did. From the moment we met, our souls intertwined. She was a force of nature to say the least. Unconquerable in the battlefield, incorruptible in conscience, unforgettable in life, irreplaceable in love" **(His pallid fists clench and FN-2187's pretty** **sure the room turned colder.)** "The New Republic stole her from me, so in return I played their foolhardiness against them. My revenge isn't done yet though. It ends when Darth Vader's legacy is fulfilled"*.

The rest of the afternoon is spent in silence. This is not someone he wants to anger. After Captain Phasma's retired for the day the pale man leads him back to the barracks. Slips is there waiting for him, looking awestruck for unknown reasons. Some of his roommates slide ration bars to one another. _Oh come on! I disappear a few hours and they bet on my death, seriously!_

Slips breaks his concentration by rushing him apart from the others to ask excitedly " What was he like?"

Now he's confused. Didn't his screwup spread through the dorms? He asks his friend to elaborate.

"Kylo Ren, you just spoke with him!"

 _So this is what the end of logic feels like..._

* * *

Notes:

*You didn't think Mara was the only EU character I would bring back through reincarnation, did you guys?  
*This will be further explained later on. For now, let's just say things are not what they appear.  
* Hands out tin cup: please read and review. Comments are often the best part of a writer's day so please write what you like, what you don't like, what you'd like to see, etcetera.


	6. Chapter 6

Year 22 ABY  
In some worlds, mythology claims that the desert was created as punishment by the gods. That these omniscient beings once ruled over lands of lush, vibrant green enveloped by soothing waves in which man and nature lived side by side. Their Utopian ambience shattered when man's unbridled druthers compelled them to lay waste upon the earth. Irate by the human's spoliation the gods took all animals of amicable temperament unto heaven, leaving naught save monsters. They did so in hopes the experience would teach them the value of empathy after it was lost. Humanity responded by skinning these beasts alive and using the heads as trophies. Vexed at the effete violence, it was decided that we were unworthy of the gifts bestowed upon them. The mighty rivers turned beige, trees turned to ash and clouds faded from the sky, till only the desert remained. Which God cast the eternal drought is of little consequence. It could have been Ashla, Shiraya, Am-Shak or Galeer.* What's important is that the humans caused it. As a result humans are easy pickings in Jakku.

If you ask the child working inside Unkar Plutt's shop she'll say it seems foolish to hate an entire species over something that happened millions of years ago. But no one ever asks for a kid's opinion. Most of his customers look at her and see a blight. They make her trip, step over her parts, talk behind her back. They don't care about her age. This isn't Chandrilla or Coruscant where democratic governments enforce civil rights. The desert spares not on account of youth and neither should they. Rey hasn't been on Jakku that long but she knows how it works. It's nothing personal really, just survival of the fittest. Some days that's hard to recall. A Dathomir lady claiming to be a witch bowed and called her sister once, scaring everyone present. All who witnessed the event treated her better afterwards, for reasons unexplained to her. Sadly Unkar Plutt wasn't among them. Probably for the best though, theirs is a respect tinged in fear. If given the choice, she'd prefer their love. _Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering._ _ **(Not again, please be quiet talking froggy).**_ Whenever she's angry the funny green frog shows up. He's not mean but he's extremely annoying. He starts yapping about emotions being dangerous, pride before the fall, blah blah blah. Doesn't he have anything else to do besides space psychology? Or is she so pathetic the only imaginary friend willing to keep her company is a pedantic blatherskite? He's been more absent since she started praying before going to sleep. _Good riddance then._

A middle-rim family came to the shop today for parts to fix their ship. They were sweaty, anxious and unaccustomed to the land but Rey could feel how happy they were just by being together. She can't clarify it to others, furthermore she doesn't want to. Nobody will ever help her again if they think she's crazy. Unkar had shoved her under the table when they appeared, muttering "legal affairs", whatever that means. He told her to be silent cause if they saw her, they would take her away. That was all he had to say: if she's carried off Jakku, she'll never see her family again! All throughout the day she stayed still with deathlike quiet. She did so well, Unkar checked if she was alive. Yet despite her success, no prideful joy fills her when they're gone. Having a taste of her heart's desire increased her anguish. The little boy in the family had spoken about the rebel pilots who vanquished a supposably unbeatable villain. _That's it, that's what she needs: a rebel!_ She spends the next week scourging for the necessary supplies. The hardest thing to find is the orange cloth for the jumpsuit but by the end of the week an old x-wing fighter provides the elusive material. She stays awake all night shaping her solution. Her fingers hurt and there's bags under her eyes when she's finished.

" Your name is mister Rebel dolly. You're the hero and I'm the damsel in distress. A great evil separated me from what I love. Bring back my family please. You can do anything: that's why you're a rebel isn't it?"

Her project stays motionless on the ground. _Stupid girl, what was I thinking? There's no such thing as magic & even if it was real, __**Miracles don't happen on Jakku.**_ Still, it'd be nice to have an imaginary friend who's well-mannered. After all, its not rebel dolly's fault that he's inanimate. Then she could have somebody to talk to and play with & go on hunting parties ( _where'd the last one come from?)_ She snuggles her new friend and marvels at the fact that she's not sleeping alone anymore. Rey closes her eyes and enters the island.

 _At least my angel will never leave me._

Notes:

Ashla: another name for the Daughter.  
Am-Shak: Weequay deity known as the God of thunder.  
Shiraya: Naboo goddess of the moon.  
Galeer: Ewok deity of the wind.  
Hands out tin cup:please and review, I need proof folks like this story


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry I haven't written much but like the rest of Puerto Rico Hurricane Maria left with no water till October, no wifi till November 1st and no electricity until last week. College re-started and each professor decided 'free time' was no longer allowed so until now when Christmas vacation began I was literally drowning in work. Also please note that this chapter was written on September so I'm well aware it doesn't fit with the events of 'The Last Jedi' (Which I hated with a fire worthy of Mustafar for reasons I will post later).

19 ABY  
For all their supposed detachment, members of the old Jedi Order failed to purge all emotional ardor from their way of life, as proven by the Archives. While harmful in the long run, one can't deny there's some advantage in the no-attachment doctrine. Specially in the face of excruciating woes. When Grandmaster Yoda first sensed the onslaught caused by Order 66, his impartiality allowed the Jedi Master to block out any physical repercussions of those dreadful hours except for the ache in his chest. Yoda was nothing if not a Jedi. Relenting to sentimentality was foolish in his eyes. Luke Skywalker was indeed a Jedi but he was also human. He had never suppressed his feelings, never compromised his beliefs. As a result, he was totally unprepared for the massacre of the New Jedi Academy. When his students perished, C-3PO panicked at the sight of his beloved master hemorrhaging all of a sudden. Without hesitation, the golden protocol droid frantically set a course to Yavin 4 as Luke's Jedi robes turned red with blood. Artoo calls Han & Leia, requesting medical aid for Mistress Padme's baby boy. The old astromech and his counterpart stay by Master Luke's side, R2-D2 beeps angrily at the Force for ripping his humans apart over and over again whilst C-3PO silently bandages a torso mysteriously covered in blaster burns and angry red slashes eerily similar to lightsaber wounds, wondering why good organics like Master Luke always suffer the most. Luke screams incoherently for the most part, at intervals the droids are able to make out ****"Help!"**** along with ****"No, pleaseee!"**** or ****"I don't wanna**** ****die!"**** but everything else is unintelligible.

Rain falls heavily in Yavin 4 as Luke lands on the surface of the planet. He's met with the sight that will haunt him throughout the rest of his days. The temple floors are tinged crimson with the bodies of his students. Not even the infants were spared. Hoping beyond hope, he scours every inch of the building for survivors. C-3PO runs after him, shouting that he'll reopen his hastily made stitches. With every bloodied room, his heart sinks a bit further. One of the dead younglings in the nursery has a blaster in her hand. Allana* never hurt a soul, she must have been so scared. In sorrow, Luke embraces her tiny form and closes her cinereal eyes for good. Frenzied kicking from within the walls reaches his ears. __Master Skywalker, are the bad men gone yet? We can't sense anyone else.__ He lets himself be guided by the force, not trusting his psychological state. It could be his lacerated mind playing tricks on him, feeding him false hope where there is none. Or perhaps he was foolish to hope for a New Jedi Order in the first place. The terror stricken force signatures are strongest in the southeast corner. Cameras show no sentient beings or droids in the bedchambers, until it hits him. _ _The dumbwaiter!__ With painstaking odds against the fragile wish he has barely acknowledged, he pries the steel doors open with the Force. Initiate Veila gleefully jumps out of Lor San Tekka's arms and squeezes him as tight as she can. Her emerald green eyes dance with unworldly mirth as she says "See guys I told you he was coming, I knew you would never abandon us!" __Tahiri, sweet child I came far too late.__ Little by little her companions clumsily climb out of their improvised shelter. Five toddlers, a scholar, a preteen girl raised by Tusken Raiders and an unconscious Kyp Durron* are all that's left.

"We placed Kyp under a healing trance so he wouldn't die. He saved our lives, it was the least we could do. Lor San Tekka helped us concentrate for it" they say, proud of their accomplishment. Rightfully so, most force sensitives take years to achieve a successful healing trance. Some peace and quiet will leave young Durron good as new. They cling to Luke and Lor San Tekka like castaway's hands clutch a raft. Seeking for answers the Jedi Master doesn't have or can't respond to without a nervous breakdown: __Why did this happen? Is there anyone else alive? Why won't my brother/sister/parents wake up?__ ** _ ** _Where was the Republic?_**_** Han nearly vomits when he finds him kneeling down by the rotting corpses, Luke can't blame him for it, because whenever he needs it the most Han is ****here.**** Ben is among the missing, Leia prepares her son's funeral befitting Alderaanian tradition, her husband refuses to accept his son is dead. His sister leaves to handle the political shitstorm coming. Han picks up an old-fashioned shovel and helps Luke bury the carcasses. When Republic officers finally enter the scene, both men reek of death. One of the New Republic deputies speak and reality loses its last shreds of prudence.

"Luke Skywalker, you are under arrest for the mass murder of the Jedi Training grounds of Yavin 4. You have the right to remain si- ahhhhh!"

The officer's words are interrupted by Chewbacca strangling his neck. His partners all raise their blasters at the wookie's head. Han readies his gun, set to shoot first like always when all of a sudden everyone freezes. The Corellian smuggler receives an apology through the Force as Luke turns himself in. __Forgive me old friend, but I won't have you die for me. I never wanted anyone to die for my sake, that hasn't changed.__ Details blur for the Jedi as they load him on the ship after chaining his hands and feet. He complies with absolute silence as they shove him into a sterilized white room with no windows, shave his golden mane, yank the clothes from his back. How he reacts is tied to the Order's future, they will find no fault lest he go mad. He keeps track of the days by reading the guard's thoughts and speaks only in prayer. They dismantle his prosthetic hand and replace it with a threadbare version, they beat him for holding onto his wedding rings. On the fourth day of his imprisonment Wedge and the rest of Rogue Squadron show up to free him. Luke turns down the offer, the Jedi must prove they are susceptible to the laws of man. A weary eyed Poe guilt-trips Wedge into obeying Luke's wishes. The boy confesses to dreaming of the massacre and asks for a way to stop the nightmares. Luke suppresses Poe's connection to the Force, unwilling to watch it wreck the youth's life the way it did his. Halfway across the galaxy, he does the same to his remaining students and erases their memories to protect them. Obiwan hugs him that night as ghosts weep beside the living.

He is introduced to a psychologist on the twelfth day. All at once, it makes sense why no one's discussing a court hearing. Putting him on trial would create discord between Hosnian Prime and the Outer Rim. To accuse him publicly for murder will send every former member of the Rebellion in outrage. Declaring him mentally unstable presents far less difficulties. __Back stabbing schemers will make a sob story of it. Tell the galaxy they're trying to help the poor little Jedi that went crazy after losing his wife. While the press eats it up, they'll lock me in a straightjacket and throw away the key.__

"Tell me mister Skywalker, what were your goals when you started your academy for mystic warriors"

 _ _Two can play at this game, sir. Palpatine makes you look like a sock puppet.__ "With all due respect sir, the Jedi are protectors, not warriors. That distinction is vital to overcome the Dark Side."

"Ah yes, the dark side you and the Church of the Force bespeak so often. Do you believe the Dark Side sways the Republic against you? Do you hate them for putting you in jail?

 _ _Trap number two.__ " The New Republic is trying to solve this issue without bloodshed. Few dark siders would care about that. I chose to stay in prison, if I wanted to escape the Republic couldn't stop me. "

"So you believe yourself to be all-powerful mister Skywalker? Invincible? Capable of defeating an entire army?"

 _ _Trap number three.__ " It has nothing to do with my powers and everything to do with my time in the Rebellion. I'm a decorated war veteran with a lot of favors I haven't cashed in. All I have to do is call one of my many friends with questionable pasts and I'll be gone before lunch. "

"But you do have your resentments with the Republic? Your marriage to the Emperor's Hand was seen in certain circles as a declaration of love to the Empire's legacy. And yet you claimed to be undisturbed by the slander. Then a decade later your wife died fighting an invasion the government ignored until it was almost too late. Your nephew, who was 10 at the time, presumed dead since the massacre swore that the Republic killed Mara Jade. Did you agree with his point of view?"

 _ _Going right for the throat: you're running out of ideas aren't you.__ "By normal standards, my wife shouldn't have reached adulthood. So every minute we shared together was spent on borrowed time. She was aware of that and so was I. That's why we made each moment count. And I knew what marrying her entailed, but I was far too in love with Mara to care about what they said. Give me a time machine and I'll still marry her, happily. Love within reason isn't love, it's convenience and I've never been drawn to conformity. As for my nephew, words spoken in the throes of grieving anger rarely stem from the heart. Letting my rage consume me, blaming others for her demise: that would cheapen her sacrifice. So I let go of my fury and moved forward, as much as I could."

He's entertained all week long by Natasi Daala's* tantrums after six psychologists all declare him perfectly sane. Her hysterics almost make the waterboarding fun. If the guard's information is true, his jailers are being pressured to release him. Daala wants a confession to make that impossible, how they get it doesn't matter. They try lacing his food with hallucinogens, he goes on hunger strike. He giggles when they expose him to what they call extreme heat, __this is a cold day on Tatooine you wimps.__ They stretch him on the rack, stick nails in his flesh hand, force-feed him raw eggs mixed with feces, flog him with the cat. He all but panics at the electroshock, his mind returns to the second Death Star only this time Father isn't there to save him. All this cruelty, this enmity for what? Why do people latch on to hate if it only destroys !? He breathes and prepares himself to become one with the Force.

 _ _Ohhh no, don't you dare farmboy! I forbid you to die this dramatically! You're getting out of here even if I have to drag you outside in my miniature body, understand!__

 _ _ ** **Mara...How I've missed your voice. Please let me die, I'm tired of this world. Life bleeds on and joy evades me. Death is long a welcome guest.****__

 _ _Look honey, I know the Galaxy tends to dump every worst case scenario on our family and honestly, I'm fighting the urge to decapitate these bastards but you can't die now, not if your reason for dying is our reunion.__

 _ _ ** **Is this your way of telling me about your new boyfriend in heaven?****__

 _ _No you idiot! It's my way of telling you I broke the laws of life and death for you!__

 _ _ ** **You're alive... Where are you? Are you healthy? When can I see you again? Force, I want to kiss you every inch of you.****__

 _ _Slow down, hotshot. You wouldn't say that if you saw me right now. In fact I bet you ten credits you'll regret those words if you do. Just hang in there, I'll come back sweetheart. I'll save Ben, after I kick his butt. Stay in the land of the living, okay.__

 _ _ ** **Mara, wait!...****__

 _ _Stay here. I'll come back for you sweetheart. I promise.*__

(On Jakku, a little girl misinterprets her own vow and thinks the woman's voice is the mother who abandoned her.)

On his fortieth day of imprisonment, Luke Skywalker is released by the government to prevent another Galactic Civil War. Han steadies him so he doesn't walk out in crutches. Leia recruits her brother for the Resistance, ready to bring the war to the First Order's doorstep. _ _Why does no one ever compare you to Anakin Leia? I see his fire in you more than any trait of Padme Amidala.__ She and Han wage their own bloodbath when they find out about Ben's betrayal. His sister accepts the collateral damage but passes on the blame to Vader. Han leaves to search for Ben, Leia calls it a hopeless cause and yells "We have a duty, laserbrain! If you walk out that door without joining the war effort or bringing Luke into the fold, then I hope you never come back!" Same old Leia, focusing on the hell father unleashed, just like the rest of the galaxy. Luke is the only one who ever cared about the hell Anakin Skywalker lived in. Always picturing the Old Republic as a glistening Utopia with liberty and justice for all. Forgetting that it created an army of slaves, gave free reign to the Hutt's crime sindicates, used the Jedi as cannon fodder and left them to die in the aftermath. The Separatists didn't come out of thin air & they weren't just power hungry radicals. He has tried to be their hero but all they can see is Darth Vader's son. __****Hipocrites, the lot of them. Reaping the fruits of a War they didn't fight in. Preaching a new tomorrow while obsessing over the past.****__ He owes them nothing. They've rewarded a lifetime of sacrifice with hatred, distrust and humiliation. Enough is enough, he refuses to play the game any longer. People seldom aprecciate what they have until it's gone. For once he'll follow Leia's suggestion.* He erases himself from the narrative. In a year or two, the Senate will beg for Jedi intervention during the next crisis as their paranoia drives them further apart. He will search for the bosom of Ashla, retrace the steps of the first Jedi. Perhaps there he can find a way to end this maddening death waltz. Right before leaving, Luke repeats the action the Galaxy never truly understood : he forgives.

 _ _Let the Force fall asleep until the worthy come forth.__

Notes: *If you recognize this name, then you're a true EU fan.  
*Tahiri Veila & Kyp Durron also deserved to be Canon. Although I would like them to suffer less than they did in the EU. A little cameo appearance would be enough.  
*Going deep into EU territory with this name.  
* Taken straight from TFA novelization page 34.  
*Leia in ROTJ: Luke run away, run far away. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Poe I

Summary: In which we see the final days prior to TFA. Evil spreads amongst the stars. The yoke of old hatred blinds the powerful as the government ensures it's own destruction.

 **Chapter Text**

34 ABY

For a government that claims it's eagerness to heal past wounds, the New Republic is slow to forgive. On some occasions it's completely justified. Doctor Isard definitely didn't deserve a pardon for his crimes against the galaxy, neither did the man who thought up the Death Star. Other times ( ****right now )**** its just stupid. The First Order has been reported to be causing mayhem in the Outer Rim. A plea for help has been issued by Tatooine. Most senators turn a blind eye. The Outer Rim has been controversial in politics ever since Luke Skywalker used the power vacuum caused by Jabba's death to abolish slavery. Skywalker made himself quite a few enemies when the Hutts refused to sign the Outer Rim emancipation without the young Jedi. Republic and Imperial alike. Under the Old Republic and the subquescent Empire, relations with the Outer Rim were considered bothersome affairs. Far too trivial to waste time in the midst of Civil War. At one point most imperials had petitioned for a treaty with the Rebellion in which the Alliance was "gifted" the Outer Rim in exchange for peace. These days it's a surefire way to risk political ambitions. In light of current events, General Organa had reopened her case against the First Order. The Senate refused to heed warnings from __Vader's daughter.__

If Ben were alive, they could prank all these soft-headed pansies. His best friend had an talent for the trickster's craft. Uncle Han loved their troublemaking, most of the time anyway. __My ear still hurts from when he and uncle Chewie dragged us across the hangar cause we accidentally covered the Falcon with meloorum jam. I would have hit the right ship if Dad hadn't broken our focus.__ They had fantasized about the future that seemed so straightforward at the time. Back when evil was a vague term and a year spanned forever and a day. In truth, they had no clue about tomorrow. How could they? Their parents had fought in the war to end all wars. Charged head-on to the abyss and restored the light of freedom. It should have been enough, perhaps it was in some alternate reality where fate was kinder. Here the wicked prosper as those in power blame heroes for the sins of their fathers. Darth Vader died before he was brought to justice, so now the Senate hurls every politician's pent up rage towards the Empire's bloody fist at his children. **_**_Ungrateful bastards, without them the Rebellion would have been crushed in Yavin Four and you'd still be kneeling to Emperor Palpatine._**_**

He's lost count of how many people have greeted him with "A man of your talents is wasted on the Resistance." These pompous bureaucrats are all the same. Convinced that loyalty is no match for a wad of credits. The General pretends she's not afraid of him leaving but he knows all her tells. A lot of them were Ben's too. Mother and son were so similar to each other. That's why it puzzled him that they weren't close. If anything, ofttimes he thought Ben saw aunt Mara as his real mother. Mara Jade Skywalker, another ghost that haunts in silence. Somedays he's glad she didn't live to see uncle Luke humiliated and tortured by those he dedicated his life to protecting. Other days he desperately wants her back among the living. He asked her once, why Leia and Ben had such a tumultuous relationship, Aunt Mara said people can't stand their own image mirrored in someone else, they want their loved ones to be reflected instead. Poe hadn't believed it until years later, when Leia Organa confessed she helped him because he reminded her of her brother.

When the Senate hearing ends, the General holds onto his arm a little tighter. Despite her regal bearing and elaborate clothing, all he sees is an old woman who spent all her life fighting. Organa's stubborn pride won't let her admit she needs a hug so he gives it to her. It only lasts a moment, she won't allow herself anymore. Afterwards, they continue the Resistance's first priority: the search for Luke Skywalker. Part of him wants the Jedi Master to stay hidden (of course that desire will never be spoken). Luke got elevated to godhood and was betrayed for being human. Skywalker could have been the Emperor, he could have held the power of star systems at his fingertips. None of those sanctimonious gold-diggers would have refused it. Most of them don't deserve or comprehend such selflessness and probably never will. The First Order believes that man is treacherous by nature, incapable of merit without guidance. A half truth cleverly spun around unavoidable flaws. Tempting to those who wander aimlessly through life. Poe is a child of the Rebellion, the desire to save the galaxy was ingrained into him from his mother's womb. He'll die happily for the Resistance but that doesn't mean he's blindly following. His loyalty is to the dream his parents fought for.

 _ _Luke, I understand why you left.__


	9. Chapter 9

34 ABY: 2 days before TFA

For years Rey had thought the shadow was the worst thing her youthful mind could imagine. He'd made quite a reputation for brutality within her psyche. Because of that ****demon**** she'd wet her blankets until she was nearly 10. The most frightening images were not what he did to her imaginary self, rather what he turned her to. In one dream she gazed at a man strapped unto a table, looking at her as if she was evil incarnate. To Rey's horror her imaginary self smiled as the Shadow electrified the man alive. Maybe that's why her family left her: because they knew what a horrible person she'd been. No sentient in their right mind could forgive her for letting that man die ( _ _the angel would, the angel could see every monstrous thing you've ever done and love you regardless of it,__ her mind whispers). Yet, for all his frightening demeanor and complete control over her imaginary self there was a sense of finality tied with the shadow. Somehow Rey felt she would never meet him. That he was gone from the realm of mortals. These images give no such comfort, if anything they harrow a dark, inevitable conclusion. It taunts her, laughs at her pain and rejoices upon the sight of her tears. A mask rooted in darkness, a jagged blade of power red as blood cutting San Tekka down. The old man's eyes always so focused and clear now staring lopsidedly with no direction, flames reflected upon overwhelmed irises that will never see again. Malignant pictures flashing within her mind: all leading to one irreversible truth. __Lor San Tekka is dead.__

Foregoing all caution she races to Lor San Tekka's village in the dead of the night. Someone has to bury him, her friend deserved a few parting words at the very least. Halfway across the path Rey catches a glimpse of stormtroopers patrolling the badlands. What are they doing this far out in the desert? She hides behind a dune to hear their conversation. The soldiers complain about lack of action in this worthless sandbox, one of them expresses his excitement for being stationed at Starkiller base. Wasn't that Galen Marek's codename? Why would the First Order name their place after a hero of the Rebellion? The young scavenger decides it's not important. Barring the space battle during the Galactic Civil War politics and warfare have no effect on Jakku beyond spacer's gossip. The Clone Wars changed nothing here, the so-called New Republic's biggest contribution was more junk, the next conflict will be no different than the others. Rey continues her Odyssey after double-checking the area is secure (as safe as anything can be on Jakku). Her heart nearly stops beating at the sight of Lor San Tekka chatting amicably with the middle-aged pilot who thanked her years ago for defending Luke Skywalker. Why would Wedge Antilles come to Jakku twice? Briefly, she wonders if the sands finally succeeded in driving her mad until Wedge tells Lor San Tekka they're being watched. This Antilles fellow must be a dear friend of Lor cause he's prepared ladalum* tea for him, something he'd never offer a mere acquaintance. Wordlessly, the Corellian rises from the ground and pours out a cup for her. He's careful not to spill a drop which means that someone taught him the importance of water.

"Hello Rey, it's good to see you again. This old geezer still stopping you from serving bucketheads a taste of their own medicine?" __He remembered my name. Did Lor tell him about me or was I actually interesting for a Corellian pilot to bear in mind?__

"Leave her out of this mess General. The force tells me the girl's part in this muddled conflict does not begin today."

"I'm not a general anymore Lor. After the arrest I handed those corrupt bureaucrats my letter of resignation. You'd know that if you didn't live in this Force-forsaken planet. Compared to this dump Tatooine's an earthly paradise."

"Better an unforgiving death world that wastes no breath on politics than a __'exemplary'__ system that crucifies pure hearted souls to satisfy a false appeasement."

There's a unspoken resentment in Lor San Tekka's voice in that moment. Rey doesn't like it: her friend is a man of peace, the path he walks is one of mercy and understanding. Whatever caused such wordless enmity within him had to be something unforgivable, something bereft of any common decency. Otherwise he would harbor no ill wishes against them. She turns her gaze to the pilot. Just like Lor, his hair is completely white resembling the ivory paint used in astromech droids but barring that he seems younger. As if the memory of youth still fuels him somehow, filling him with the strength to carry on. He's lean and sits in a position that would allow him to escape should it be necessary, his right hand hovers near the holster strapped to his waist. It's a safe bet to say the two blasters it holds are set to kill but whenever he speaks to her his tone is gentle and unassuming, indicating a respect for those around him. A true warrior if there ever was one. How do a pacifist and a ongoing combatant become friends? Under what circumstances did these two individuals with philosophical beliefs so starkly contrasting put aside their prejudices to break bread in amity? The mystery of Lor San Tekka has grown even more confusing and not for the first time Rey wishes she had the gall to ask him about the bygone days he keeps shut within the contours of his mind but she won't do it. Better one trustworthy friend who refuses to discuss the past than an former friend who has told her everything she wants to know. A villager shows up and rapidly tells Lor that he's needed in the healer's tent. He leaves immediately, the fact he doesn't warn Wedge that she's not to be touched further impulses her gut feeling to trust the Corellian. __Well then, let's see if you share Lor's habit of secrecy.__

"Are you part of the Resistance?"

"Why would you ask something like that?"

"When we first met I saw you mock the First Order in front of its stormtroopers. Only a rebel or resistance fighter would be brave or stupid enough to do so."

"Clever girl. You would have done well in the Rebellion."

"Not in the New Republic?"

"I'd sooner cut off my arm than send those blood-thirsty wampas an asset. However if you wanna join the Resistance, I'm sure they'd be happy to have you."

"So you aren't part of the Resistance?"

"I was a leader of the Rebellion but I'm not in the Resistance: my wife forbid me to join any group of freedom fighters unless another planet blew up."

"That's very dramatic of her."

"Iella already lost one husband to the fight against tyrrany and our eldest daughter Syal is on active duty as a starfighter pilot under Admiral Ackbar while our youngest is working on intelligence for CorSec. It'd be cruel to add more worries on her. Besides, I'm too bitter with the New Republic to defend it properly."

"But isn't the Republic good? The Rebellion fought to restore it because it was kind where the Empire was cruel. What made you so cynical towards the government your efforts made possible?"

"How old are you Rey? Twenty, twenty-one?"

"Nineteen standard years. Why?"

"That's a good age for dreamers. You've aged enough to act upon your ideals but not enough to grasp mortality. I remember the days before Yavin when we were all young, armored with the invincibility of youth and fired by the belief that Palpatine's evil Empire could not win. It didn't but the cost was more horrible than any of us could have imagined. Biggs died so they could put his childhood friend in chains."

Antilles seems unquestionably ancient when he says that name, olden grief disintegrating the rogueish smile he greeted her with. Rey's ashamed of the fact that she doesn't know who Biggs was for a nanosecond, then she reasons that it's impossible to keep track of every fallen soldier. But clearly he was important to Wedge, his loss must have been difficult to bear especially if he died in vain. Gone is the collected attitude that flirts heedlessly with death at every turn. In its place lies an war-weary man whose eyes are unfathomably sad to all appearances, selfsame to the angel's melancholy aura. Somewhat haggard and perhaps a tad gloomy but not wholly broken. Was it merciful of fate to kill his friend before he wore the same ragged expression? Or would he don a different, merrier look on his features had said friend's time been prolonged? So many perish during wartime, it's impossible to predict which unfinished life would have turned for the best. Maybe that's how Wedge and Lor's friendship began: bonding after the mutual loss of a loved one. Grief is a universal flag, blind to all distinctions. Stranger people have come together by it in Lor San Tekka's stories. Bo-Katan Kryze and Obi-Wan Kenobi had nothing in common except mourning Duchess Satine.

Ever so quietly she rips off a piece of her garments and ties the fabric around her hands; just in case he's insulted at her ugly, dry skin touching his clothes. Last time they hugged he'd been covered head to toe in a gawky orange jumpsuit that made her brain hurt for some mysterious reason she'd never uncovered. Also she was shorter, back then Rey only reached his chest so skin contact wasn't a possibility. Excepting Lor San Tekka, her most recent skin contact with a human was three years ago when she accidentally bumped into a Core-World highborn lady. The woman didn't help her pick up the radiator she'd dropped, she just wiped her grandiloquent dress and stared at Rey as if she was a carrier for the Festering plague.* When she hugs him, Wedge reacts far more nicely than that mean old Sculag. His eyes gaze inquisitively at the fabric loosely wound on her arms, when she explains he replies that the frilly aristocrat wouldn't last a day on Hoth and tells her she should never compare him and much less herself to someone so grossly inferior. Real princesses, he says will sleep in the mud next to their people and eat the same awful rations everyone else is forced to swallow until the whole army has access to real food. She places the Corellian in the good people category: right next to the kind witch lady she talked to as a little girl (In her experience witches are good, they bow and share water with you). He's freer with his words after that: he talks like the happy fathers in the fragmented holofilms she's found in wreckage. She'd like a father like him, strong and loyal and brave. By the time Lor San Tekka returns they've settled into a comfortable silence, the kind old friends enjoy. The old man jokingly thanks the force for little miracles upon seeing they haven't killed each other and hands him smuggled information (a loophole in his promise to Iella: she merely prohibited he lead men unto battle, she said nothing about providing aid from the shadows). __Why does it feel like I've heard this before?__

When he leaves part of Rey wants him to stay, wants General Antilles to be there when her family comes back. She has no doubt they'll find her again: her mother's or at least the woman she believes to be her mother's voice is an ever present echo through Rey's dreams almost every night, the clement vow uttered frantically as her cry fades into nothingness. The love transmitted in her brief farewell was far too pure to be fabricated. She tries to recall her mother's face, her hands, anything that reinforces the notion of a loving parent but it's been so long she can't remember what anyone in her family looked like, only the voice remains. Lor inquires why she stormed the wastelands at this ghastly hour. Her throat clams up as the unbidden cold sends shivers down her spine. The sight of him, dead in the ground yet no blood springing forth still frightens her to the bone. Her inner child is terrified that by confessing what she dreamed to him she'll extend its power and the dream will turn real. __You__ __died, you died and I couldn't save you.__ Somehow, he figures out what she saw and utters a tale of self-fulfilling prophecies. He speaks of a Jedi who dreamed his wife would die in childbirth, haunted by the nightmares of his love's death the Jedi sought a way to stop death. The Order's Grandmaster offered no remedy and since his marriage was secret the Jedi did not confide his fears to his old Master who was also the man's closest friend, despite the fact that each would have died happily for the other. During this time a Sith Lord offered him the power to save his wife from dying in exchange for allegiance to the Dark Side. To prove his loyalty the Jedi laid waste to the Ancient Temple, bathing its halls with his brethren's corpses at the Dark Lord's behest. As a result the Grandmaster sent the Master to kill his friend and former apprentice, heartbroken the Master told the Jedi's wife of the atrocities her husband had committed. She refused to believe him and flew to her beloved, not knowing the Master had stowed away on her ship. The gentle lady begged her spouse to abandon the dark side's venom and flee where none would find them but her pleas fell on deaf ears whence the Fallen Jedi saw his former Master. Enraged, the Sith Apprentice force-choked the very woman he had relinquished all morality to save and fought his friend in a duel for the ages. Unbeknownst to them the Sith Lord had planned every moment to perfection: the dreams, the Jedi purge and even the duel of fates. True to the dark lord's prediction his new apprentice lost to the more skillful Master who wept inwardly as Mustafar's flames engulfed the man he once knew. With everything he had foreseen now come to pass the Sith "rescued" his charred disciple from the ashen earth while said man's wife gave birth. Knowing any Jedi offspring would be a threat to the Sith Regime the Dark Lord sought to extinguish the child before it was born. In a gruesome ritual known only to those enslaved to the dark he performed a trade of life: a wife for a husband, without anyone being aware of it save the bringer of her demise. And so the Apprentice lived on, a hollow existence crippled in body and soul.

"Do you understand the lesson to be had in this story my child?"

"Never trust a dark sider unless you want to be completely kriffed?"

"No but that's a very good answer. What I'm trying to teach you is not to make foolhardy choices based on your fear of loss. Sometimes holding on to what we love too tight has the same effect as letting it fall."

"Sounds like a difficult balance to achieve."

"A Jedi would say that is only by finding balance within chaos and harmony that we become immortal in the Force."

"The stories you recite so meticulously: did they really happen? Is any of it true?"

"They are truth to children of the Rebellion, legend to members of the Senate and propaganda or myth to the First Order's acolytes."

"Would it kill you to be straightforward just once?"

"Where's the fun in that child?"

Rey playfully rolls her eyes at him and waits until sunrise to leave. No use putting herself in danger the same way twice. She falls asleep when the moon's on the top of the sky. The old man smiles gently at her once her inner clock bids she wake up at dawn. He waves goodbye at her as she heads out into the sea of dunes. Had the young scavenger known this would be the last time she saw Lor San Tekka she would have said more, would have kissed his forehead and told him how much he meant to her. But Lor San Tekka did not reveal the meaning of Rey's vision, he did not fear dying but the old man knew she might die if he confessed to her the depths of foresight and that possibility is one he could not bear. The scavenger waves back at the Force Listener, glad that her nightmare was only that. Later as Rey searches the remnants of an Imperial Star Destroyer her thoughts drift back to the angel and how similar his anguish was to General Antilles's. The former rebel's pain stemmed from the loss of a loved one, her "gift" tells her that he mourned Bigg's childhood friend deeply but it was a different sort of misery. As if Wedge believed this unnamed sentient to be nothing short of awe-worthy and prayed for his/her return. It seems like everyone who possesses an ounce of uprightness is destined to lose what they cherish. Who did the angel lose to cause such encompassing sorrow within him? A friend, a sister, a nephew? All those options seem to divulge everything and nothing simultaneously. If by some kindly stroke of luck the angel enters her life she hopes he'll be earnest in such matters. She shrugs the philosophical inquiries off her shoulder and gets back to work, hopefully the day will bring in a fruitful haul.

Elsewhere in a far corner of the galaxy the information provided by "Red Two" allows Commander Poe Dameron to chart a course towards Jakku.

Notes: *In the EU Ladalum were red blooming flowers native to Alderaan. The plant survived the destruction of its planet and held great significance to Alderaanians: many of them zealously cultivated the flowers.  
*The Festering Plague was a fatal disease that could be transmitted through skin contact. One of the preventive measures for an outbreak was to wear gloves. Hands out tin cup: Comments please?


	10. Chapter 10

Summary: We've made it to The Force Awakens. This is my take on Han's thoughts when he stumbles upon the two strays hiding on his beloved Falcon.

It was supposed to be a quick job. A livestock transaction, in and out before you know it. Then half of his crew abandoned ship once they found out said livestock was rathtars (Sure, the other half had the bad luck of getting eaten by Rathtars but at least they had the guts to follow their agreement). One word was all it took for them to run home to their mommy's skirts and he spent three unaccounted for days recruiting new crew-members. Stars, when did smugglers go from die-hard adrenaline junkies and devil-may care pirates to soft-hearted tauntauns? At that age he and Lando did stuff far more dangerous for the fun of it. The thought of his old partner in crime/war buddy saddens Han's thoughts as he remembers how distraught the man had been when Lando Calrissian Jr was stolen from his nursery, no doubt picturing his kid with a throat slashed and eyes showing the fright of his last hours. Such a lively child, so protective over his loved ones that Han'd made a joke saying Tendra must have cheated on Lando cause this kid wouldn't surrender his friends to Palpatine, much less Darth Vader. The former smuggler had laughed, happy in the life he'd carved out for his family. Blissfully unaware that they were living on borrowed time. Lando and Tendra's marriage crumbled after the loss of their only beloved son. Too much pain, too much guilt and not enough understanding. __Ben and Poe had cried for days... Stop it, don't think about him now: you spent a decade searching high heaven for Ben and never found the kriffing Finalizer, Ben is lost to you evermore. I should have drugged and 'kidnapped' him, Luke, Chewie and Leia in the middle of the night, sold the ship and stranded ourselves in the middle of nowhere the moment after Red's funeral was finished. Far away from politics and dark-siders, tucked safely in our little corner of the galaxy as our legends turned into myth.__

Chewie walks into the control room, informing Han that their ship's scanners picked up a YT-1300 light freighter in orbit. Scanners show the vessel's engines are in need of repairs and it raises his hopes more than he intended. The man he was thirty-four years ago would have jumped and shouted "What are we waiting for ?! Chewie: Let's go!" in a frenzy, hopped in an pod and boarded the ship that may or may not be his beloved Falcon. Now he responds calmly and requests Chewie to activate the tractor beam with a hint of caution his younger self would have called spineless. He takes out his blaster as the Eravana's tractor beam does its work and mentally utters a prayer to the Falcon's scent welcomes him and Chewie the moment they step inside the ship, like a beloved childhood blanket that's just a little worn at the sides but still gives an encouraging warmth. __Oh baby I missed you.__ He checks the Falcon's cameras ( A modification directly caused by the presence of a hyperactive toddler who ran wild through everything.) to find the stowaways in his ship. The Falcon usually has a crew of 2-6 people on a nice day so they could have split up. With any luck that sleemo Gannis Ducain will be among them, he hopes so: that way he'll no qualms about ejecting him into open space. On second thought it's probably best to scratch luck out of the equation. Lady Luck's only smiled on him three times in his life: the day he met Chewie, the day he booked Old Kenobi and Luke for Alderaan & last but not least the day Leia accepted his marriage proposal. (He used to count four times: the day Ben was born. Back then his son was his pride and joy, now Ben is his greatest sorrow. He's tried to forget him, tried to leave him behind but he is always more faithful to the memory of his little boy's carefree smile whilst they manage the pilot's steering wheel together than he ever intended to be.) So yeah definitely not a great track record with the good type of luck as proven yet again by the now-damaged cameras.

Fortunately, while luck might send Han Solo to burn in the nine Corellian Hells his hearing's never failed him. A sudden noise coming from the secret compartments is all that's needed for him and Chewie to locate the stowaways. They lift the bars, ready to face the no-good, Hutt-kissing smugglers who stole his Falcon and sees __****kids wearing oxygen masks? What the Sith are two kids and a ball-shaped droid doing here? I'm getting too old for this...****__ A quick interrogation reveals that the girl was flying (And really that's impressive: he wants to know who taught her to fly cause half of the Rebellion had trouble maneuvering his baby), that she speaks Shyriiwook and that her male companion's a kriffing moron. The kids get out of the hidden compartment, shortly after the girl elaborates on where the Falcon was (my poor Falcon all alone in that barren excuse of a planet), who they stole it from and the other people who stole the Falcon before them. His parental instincts start kicking in as the girl rambles on about the moof milker that put a compressor on his ship. Oh he likes this kid, she looks smart albeit a tad naïve for her age. Maybe if he teaches her the ropes she could be a decent smuggler, she walks just like Red... Oh no, he won't let himself go down that road. He tells Chewie to drop them in a pod because he is NOT going to replace Mara with this starry-kid girl who's more innocent than Red was ever allowed to be. Red definitely wouldn't have spoken to him or any man alive as if he was a knight in shining armor. Luke was the angelically pure one in comparison to her because she had no illusions of heroic figures or perpetually non-corrupt governments, among other reasons. He and Red were always aware that their chosen life-mates were far less flexible in morality, it was their job to make sure that unshakeable sense of virtue didn't get the Skywalker twins killed. There were many a night spent with a bottle of Corellian Whisky: one shot for every reckless, foolhardy but sweet action our spouses did this week. The corner of his eye catches her expression as she begs to get the ball to the Resistance and Han knows it will be impossible not to be reminded of Mara from now on because of how she gazes at him. Mara had ghosts in her eyes that never left, this girl has dreams laden with hope shining in her irises. But the muted yearning for love is the same in her eyes as it was in Red's, the unsaid "Life's taught me idealism's for losers: please prove that wrong" is practically a mirror.

Then idiot-face mentions a map to Luke Skywalker with a tone eerily similar to one of Luke's Jedi-ish buddies and the past hits him hard like a tidal wave on Kamino as he admits to these youths that he knew Luke. (Oh kid we failed you so terribly. You deserved so much better...) If you ask Han what they're demanding of Master Skywalker sets an unbeatable record on unfair: They want Luke to save the New Republic, the government that tortured him, vilified him and left him on crutches. Han, Wedge and Lando had barely recognized Luke when they were granted access to him shortly before the release: Luke's golden mane that Mara loved to play with was shaved, unable to hide the bruises in his scalp. His pale blue eyes bloodshot and never looking above his crème-colored robes tinged red all over as he twitched uncontrollably (Han beat the man who force-fed Luke feces to a pulp after Dr. Kalonia showed him and Wedge Luke's twitching was a side effect of anti-nausea medication administered in prison to stop people from vomiting after force feeding and the kid's bleeding gums were a tell-tale sign of the procedure. He only refrained himself from killing the man cause Poe told him Luke wouldn't want his best friend to commit murder on top of everything else. Baby Dameron was just like Shara, a freaking idealist.) It was disgusting that Luke left "Republic Custody" even more battered than Leia left Vader's torture, it was worse that the damned kid told Han that he forgave them cause it proved how none of them deserved him. The problem is that as bad as the Republic is, the First Order's even worse and with the Knights of Ren running rampant across the galaxy those Imperial sculags will win unless Luke comes back.

Age has taught Han Solo that war doesn't determine who's right: it determines who's left to write the story as they see fit and on most occasions the nice people are either dead, radicalized, too broken to fight or holding back the trauma when the war ends. The resistance is placing their faith on Luke Skywalker, the man who blew up the Death Star and saved the day because they need the exception to be remembered, not the rule. No one uses Jyn Erso, the brave woman who made Luke's heroics possible for propaganda: her whole team died, they recruit youngsters who want to live. Saw Gerrera had been a hero but his tactics made it all too easy for wimpy politicians to label him a terrorist, no young adult wants to become a "bloodthirsty old geezer" who spent over 30 years in guerrilla warfare, they want the Yavin 4 ceremony with pomp and recognition. But these two kids staring at Han with sheer wonder look like they're made of sterner stuff, as if they've been weaved on the grittier legends and not the flowery crap that passes for history on the Holonet. He doesn't think they'll ask for medals or flowers when their part to play is over but that makes it worse because that's how people with heroic destinies act and people with destinies don't die old in bed whilst dreaming peacefully. They die prematurely old and filled with regrets like Obi-Wan Kenobi or die young in a blaze of glory like Biggs Darklighter. Yep, best not to get involved in all this suicidal conflict. Chewie and me can just leave them with Maz and that'll be the end of things. Probably best not to think about that day in a Coruscanti hospital where Red confessed to an unconscious Luke that she wished she could be pure the way Luke was (Especially since that was a private conversation he overheard and Red just might come back as a ghost to whup him if she knows Han eavesdropped on her). Or the fact that the image he'd concocted of a naïve, less traumatized Mara is identical to this mysterious girl sans the red hair. Such thoughts are best left to the mental ramblings of an old man, not young folks that haven't lived yet. __Wait there's clanking coming from outside the Falcon, the kids and Chewie hear it too so it's not my imagination. Honestly Ashla is it too much to ask for a break...__

"Don't tell me the rathtars got loose."

Notes: Hands out tin cup: Comments please P.S: sorry if this is too much chapters at once but they've sitting in my laptop for two months


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Wedge I

Summary:

The final days of Hosnian Prime, as they were lived by those who provided aid from the shadows. Or alternatively: answering WHERE IN FORCE'S NAME Rogue Squadron was during TFA cause I know for a fact none of them would abandon the cause.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Years from now General Antilles will recall with a heavy heart how the whispers started a day after tracking down Lor San Tekka. Day in and day out the chant _**Leave Hosnian Prime, Leave the Hosnian system before it's too late**_ rung loud and clear, at least to former Rebels and Church of the Force believers. The first time Wedge hears it he's enjoying dinner with Iella & Myri: the latter of these had been granted leave from CorSec, so a get-together was mandatory. When his daughter asks what he's been doing outside of work and married life he lies to her face. He's not proud of it, no halfway decent parent would ever choose falsehood as an instruction manual but rumors are spreading about the "Knights Of Ren", dark-side users strong enough to tear minds apart for knowledge. In his experience "word on the street" is more reliable than the Official Story so he'll use everything in his power to prevent his brave, wonderful children's mind-rape. They're deciding what to order for dessert when the murmur begins. All three of them look around to see if anyone else is hearing the strange command. Only a Twi'lek child whom he and Iella suspect to be Force-Sensitive reacts, begging her mother to do what the lady's voice said and go really far away. Outside the roaring crowd seems divided between those who remain deaf and those who listen to the not-so-subtle utterance, on the way home the voice doesn't stop. It claws at his dreams, growing more and insistent until finally the woman's voice morphs into Luke's. His old friend beckons him to abandon Hosnian Prime, or if his loyalty forbids it then at least transport his wife and children to safety.

Wedge wakes up in a cold sweat, calls his brother in law and arranges for Iella and Myri to leave with Soontir Fel for Naboo, under the pretense of attending the Festival of Light. Naturally, his wife starts digging around instead of leaving peacefully and finds out he's working with Leia. It's a testament to their love that she doesn't kill him for taking advantage of the loophole in his promise to her. Iella begs him to come with them, he refuses out of duty. Someone has to stay behind and be Leia's ears inside the Capital especially now when the threat of Civil War shrouds their future. There's been too many traitors lately and that leaves a limited number of trusted informants. Come morning the Holonet is filled with stories of people over flooding the spaceport in a desperate attempt to leave the planet. Activists are quick to signal police brutality, police droids investigate the would-be stowaways (hundreds of whom managed to board and escape Hosnian Prime) _confirm_ that most of the trespassers are disciples to the Church of the Force. In response the government chalks down the "incident" to hallucinogens placed in the water supply by "the delusional radicals who preach the love of Jedi over law" and carries out a witch hunt to unearth members of the underground faith. After an undefined number of Force-believers are taken into the fair custody of our Republic (If Luke is anything to go by the proper term would be violation of Force-acknowledger's rights) the voice quiets down as if whatever prompted it has given up. For some reason his mind pictures Luke, crying in the middle of nowhere. Has his old friend grown powerful to reach out to such a large population? Would Luke be capable of contacting force-nulls as well as force-sensitives? Wedge's unsure what to believe until he's given the most harrowing message regarding the voice (Which he receives from Talon Karrde himself. The fact he came out of hiding to personally hand Wedge the disk makes it a priority.) In the security holovid an old woman in a blood-drenched-straightjacket beseeches the New Republic to see the truth laid out before them by _**Master Skywalker:**_ the noble soul that's trying to save them, in spite of the sacred oath they left defiled.

He sends the holovid to every surviving member of Rogue Squadron within range. Ten Numb ends his aerodynamics class early and heads to the Rogues without making a fuss. Janson, dramatic yet loyal to his friends till the bitter end commands his Yellow Aces to abandon their posts at Hosnian Prime in favor of his private (possibly illegal) base in Coruscant yelling "Kids you can either stay here and protect this spiraling chaos that passes for democracy or leave with me to serve under a group worth living for!". Not one member of Wes's volunteer fighter squadron stays behind, they fly to Coruscant and await further instructions. Guess he grew up after all, only took him fifty years. Klivian hurls the Togruta prostitute off his lap once his old Commlink to Rogue Squadron starts beeping, he fumbles out a crinkled wad of credits to pay her and picks her up (he's a bachelor not a savage) before he runs. The eternal playboy halts for a moment, turns around and steals a kiss for good luck then he runs faster. Tycho and Winter Celchu both canceled all their meetings for the next month once they saw it and invited all former rebels to their apartment through a secure network so they could decide the next course of action. It would be insulting to assume any of them needed to be called twice: Secularized politicians might deem this events an unusual phenomenon but every rebel worth his/her skin knows this is the Force showing it's will. _Yet they keep thinking that their so-called scientific advancements will provide a logical explanation, kriffing idiots._ By midday the Original Rogues are mostly reunited (The meeting tingles with the absence of Luke Skywalker, Shara Bey and on a lesser note Han Solo.) Winter, ever the model Alderaanian gentlewoman addresses them first.

"Gentlemen: my husband and I thank you for coming during these troubled times. Before we start would anyone like to add something? Yes Hobbie?"

"My Lady: If the Force is warning us to leave the planet shouldn't we be petitioning the government to launch a full-scale evacuation?"

"Who would listen? Ever since the truth of Commander Skywalker's parentage was made public everyone associated with either Luke or Leia has become a political pariah. We all saw how the princess' warning ran through deaf ears in the Senate: Leia had visible proof, we have only our intuition. Something no politician will risk their career for. The Alderaanian survivors have already left the planet at my behest, save those under custody. We can't waste time trying to persuade those willingly blind, all we can do is save as many people as possible."

"In that case I would like to evacuate the war refugees in Immigration, it'd be easy to transport them since the government loathes their presence. Harder to convince folks there's no war brewing with them after all."

"Excellent. Ten Numb, I want you and my husband to break those poor souls out of jail. Wes, you and Wedge head to the orphanage and subsequently the National Archives. Should the planet fall, we must ensure the First Order does not erase our history and literature as they see fit. You seem displeased by my proposal General Antilles. Would you care to tell us why?"

 _Still calling me a General Winter? Is this your way of distancing yourself from the New Republic or just a show of personal loyalty?_ "My Lady I know what you're trying to do. Someone has to stay behind when the Invasion or Nano-virus or whatever they're sending towards us arrives, you're trying to make sure it's you."

"It's not illogical Wedge. My years as an Intelligence Officer during the Rebellion make me a suitable candidate for espionage. Besides, the First Order follows the Empire's misogynistic hierarchical bearing. A beautiful woman will be mistaken for a bed-warmer in the upcoming military occupation."

"My gut says this won't be a mere occupation. Whoever stays behind will be most likely achieve martyrdom. Besides, you're far more qualified for preserving Ancient Lore and calming down frightened children than me and Janson."

"Are you saying I'm not willing to die should the First Order play a violent hand? Because if you are then I find your lack of faith in me discouraging."

"I'm saying you're the closest thing to a sister General Organa ever had and we both know she can't afford another heartbreak."

Winter's eyes soften as her famous stoicism abandons the Princess's foster sibling. She reluctantly accepts Wedge's decision to stay as the Resistance's mole and fabricates the story of yet another charity mission so the Police Droids allow her to leave with tens of thousands of children. Tycho and Ten Numb are branded criminals for enacting a planet-wide prison break. Both pilots escape to the Outer Rim and authorities reassure the public they'll be brought to justice. As if rookie pilots, boot-lickers and yes-men droids will be able to find adaptable, multi-lingual, decorated soldiers Admiral Thrawn had a hard time tracking. A bad feeling tells Wedge the decree won't matter soon enough. Janson stays behind with him, claiming he wants an excuse to kill bucket-heads indiscriminatelylike the old days. Antilles lets the real reason slide, if he's going to die then Wes is a pretty good choice for the last face he'll ever see. The two friends are investigating the sudden leave of the First Order's representative when Leia informs them of Poe's capture and Lor San Tekka's death. Funny how the humanoid heart can still break after all the blood's been drained out of it time and time again. They inform Kes of his only son's possible death, the retired soldier is unable hold back the tears and tries to find comfort in the knowledge that should Poe Dameron perish he'll be reunited with Shara, Lando Calrissian Junior and young Ben Solo. Just like that, the last of the boys who grew up believing their parents fought the war to end all wars is probably lost to them. Where did it all go wrong? What happened to the dream carved out by Mon Mothma, Bail Organa and Padme Naberrie Amidala? Did it vanish with the populace's inability to forgive the wounds of old or was it twisted to an unrecognizable vision in Prison cells, in Senate hearings, in bombardments, in funerals and war-torn fields?

His contact says that BB-8 reached Takodana, Kor Sella smiles when he and Janson inform her of Poe's escape. At least one of those boys may outlive them yet. Sending a whole squadron for a small bot is a tad excessive in his opinion. Then again if the bot is as big a trouble magnet as R2-D2 they'll need it to save the little droid from whatever army, cannibals or mercenary group he/she managed to piss off. It seems strange that once more Freedom's last hope resides in a droid. Somewhere in Heaven General Dodonna must be laughing at the improbability of it all circling right back to where they started: a rebel astromech droid braving the sands in search of a legend, a Legacy captured, Janson grounded besides Antilles and the Jedi reduced to fairytales. Perhaps the Force has a sense of humor, it certainly has a flair for drama. A feeling of dread creeps up through his spine for reasons he cannot explain. (Luke had always joked he was secretly Force-Sensitive due to his uncanny survival instincts. Every one of them is on full alert right now in a way they haven't been since the battle of Endor.) Wedge serves himself a glass of Corellian whisky to calm his nerves, no use getting cold feet now. The man's made his bed, it'd be cowardly not to lie in it and Corellian are plenty of things but yellow ain't one of them. He looks down on his half-empty glass and sees crimson reflected upon the glass, as if there were blood beneath the sky. The red spreads to the walls, the ceiling, it's everywhere-

"Wedge, you gotta see this!... Tell me that's not what I think it is."

 _The Force wasn't warning us of an invasion, it was trying to stop us from getting blown up. We're gonna die like Bail and Breha Organa. What can I say to you my dear old friend: I've survived two Death Stars Janson, there's no way I can deny what's coming._ " Look at the bright side Wes, they finally got rid of that vomit-green color."

"Goodbye Wedge it was an honor to be a Rogue."

"The honor was mine."

Both veterans stand tall as the impending wave of death comes closer, heat increasing off every beam. The earth quakes violently as buildings catch fire from the massive radiation. He holds onto Wes so he doesn't lose sight of him when the angel of death takes them towards the final judgment. The blazing ashes crackle against his skin, fragments of metal, stone and glass cut at them both, reminiscent of his torture at the hands of Ysard. Damnit it all, he's not afraid to die. In all honesty death is a far gentler mistress than life: she harbors no prejudice, no war, no torture and no dictatorial regimes. But he hates the thought of Iella's tears when she finds what happened, he'd promised her they would die together, that she wouldn't be a widow twice and now that promise will be rendered null. Wes faints from the blood loss or maybe it was the heat, he shifts his old friend's weight against his shoulders. He closes his eyes and feels... hyperborean mountain air?! What in Sith Hell just happened?! The unforeseen change of temperature disorients him so badly he nearly drops poor Wes. His legs buckle as he fails to keep his balance with Janson weighing down on him and falls on the hospital? bed. It's not clear what place they're in: his eyesight is spotted, his arms hurt so badly that he's barely capable of holding onto Wes but he smells salt and he can hear the waves crashing the shore. The ocean's tranquilizing lull provides a startling contrast to the panicked wails of Hosnian Prime. Where are they? How did they get here? Is this heaven, hell, purgatory? A metallic hand touches his shoulder, either that hand is warmer than standard prosthetics or he's fucking freezing. Still, it's a nice sensation: he feels warm and safe and indisputably loved as the hand bandages his arm. The stranger's hands glide over him and Wes indistinctly, the pain lessens and his headache clears up. Now if this fruit-smelling healer could just tell him-

"Hello Wedge, long time no see."

 _Could it really be him after all this time or is this just my traumatized brain picturing a happy ending while I writhe in agony?_ ** _"Luke?"_**

"What's left of him. Mind letting go of Janson or do I have to warn Iella you're hiding a boyfriend?" _How did you rescue us? Is this the first Jedi Temple you were seeking?_

"What planet are we on? Does Leia know that Wes and I are alive? Is Kor Sella here?"

"Rest old friend, all will be revealed in time. For now get some shuteye before Janson wakes up."

Sleep is the last thing on his mind at the moment. A milliard of questions are sitting at the top of his mind, begging to be clarified due to decades of irresolution. His now-working eyes perform a quick evaluation of the most sought after specimen. Luke's hair has grown back into his preferred mane, turned silver grey with no gold in sight. The desert's tan is dulled, though not completely gone. Perhaps it's never gone if you know where to look. He dons a beard, a morbid part of him wonders if it's a mere aesthetic change or a way of hiding the scars from the force-feeding. A bit of both probably, Luke was never vain but he was conscientious. Either way it veils the scarred tissue perfectly. Skywalker's gaze is old, tired beyond all reason. Wedge can still see the goodness shining out of his pale blue irises, the incorruptible heart that never learned how to stop loving but the confidence has vanished. What have they done to you Luke? How can someone's gaze bear so much love and sorrow, such compassion and despair, gentility and hopelessness all at once? _Please talk again, please let me know you're somewhat okay. Let me know you missed us as much as we missed you._ If Luke is reading his thoughts, he's not responding to them. The Jedi remains stoic as he magically heals away the burns. Well that skill would have been useful on Vrogas Vas or Ryloth or anytime at the Rebellion really. Why didn't the oh so powerful Yoda teach Luke how do **THAT** on Dagobah instead of lifting rocks standing upside down!? Force-healing is an infinitely more practical skill, especially in wartime. Suddenly he feels very drowsy, like he needs to sleep more than anything in the world. He tries to combat this inexplicable tiredness but it's like the desire to rest has developed a will of its own. _Great Luke gave me a sleeping suggestion_. By the time he wakes up Luke's moved him and Janson to different beds. Wes looks a lot better than he did before. Standing is easy now that he's patched up, though his ribs are still a little sore when he walks over to Janson's bed. Luke is tucking Wes into bed after mending his spine. From what he can gather his friend is sleeping peacefully, shame.

"Janson, Janson wake up."

"Wedge? No offense to heaven but I wanted a supermodel to escort us to heaven, not a hermit standing at the foot of a bed."

"That any way to talk to Rogue Leader Janson?" _The look on your face Wes. I can't wait to see how everyone reacts when I tell them you called Luke a hermit._

"Luke! Oh we missed you buddy. There's nobody to quote boring Jedi anecdotes without you... Hey wait a minute Luke you robbed me of my poetic death scene! Seriously Commander Skywalker what do you want me to die of: old age?!

"My apologies Wes I thought no one logical would want to get blown up by Death Star 3 or whatever they're calling it. That stupid planet-killer's been giving me nightmares all week. Of course the mass persecution caused by my attempts to stop the onslaught only made them worse so that was a no-win situation. Sorry I forgot how crazy you are. Next time I'll just save Wedge and leave you to smithereens. Also I do not quote traditional Jedi anecdotes all the time."

"Yeah right, and Leia's head of the new Pacifist Movement."

Luke shakes his head in amusement as a wry little curl on his lips appears. It's a safe bet to wager that's the closest he's come to a smile in years. Janson drops the angry facade and hugs Commander Skywalker with a grip fit for a Wookie. Skywalker tenses for a moment, panic fills his eyes to the point Wedge doesn't doubt that Luke's unwillingly reliving something painful. The Jedi fakes a grin that's too believable for his liking, he's visibly relieved when the embrace is finished. Not in the "how boring" way, rather the "thanks for not hurting me" expression often visible in long-time prisoners of the Empire. That burns even deeper than exposure to the death of Hosnian Prime: Luke was the one who taught him the value of a hug, the man always had one ready for whatever shit-storm came their way. Hell, one of his most prominent memories of Biggs is the Tatooine pilot claiming that when his buddy Luke "the gold-hearted kid with a meteor mouth" hugged you it was like you were touching a star but knew instinctively the light could never hurt you. If Wedge was force-sensitive, then he would have probably had a brush with the dark side right about now because he's glad those ungrateful vermin are gone. This wasn't like Alderaan where peace had reigned for centuries, where the Jedi were respected and even loved. Hosnian Prime was a world of vipers, their venom stole the stars off Luke's soul. They were given a chance, multiples chances to survive. Princess Leia offered a chance, they refused to aid her Resistance out of spite. Not even the Voice of Ashla herself taught them to listen. Ironically, they were destroyed by the very thing that would have finally convinced them to declare war on the First Order. Too much, too little, too late in his opinion.

"I'll take you home now. Leia will need you both in the coming battles."

"Are you gonna work your new voodoo- whatchamacallit skills on us again?" _Wes, stop it. You're an embarrassment to the Rebellion._

"Nope, you're leaving this planet the good old-fashioned way: on a spaceship."

"Oh come on Luke! What's the point of superpowers if you don't get to use 'em?."

"Force teleportation from long distances is highly draining, rescuing your sorry ass took a lot of energy Janson but if you wanna tell Leia I died cause you wanted a quick transport then I'll be happy to comply."

"Go get the ship please." _Amazing, dare him to fly into a black hole and he'll do it fearlessly. Warn the same man he'll anger Leia and he internally cowers in fear._

Once Luke leaves their train of sight Wes asks him if there's any hope that their Jedi comrade-in arms will fly home with them. He tells him the unvarnished truth: nothing short of a miracle will convince Skywalker to return. And even if he does come back there's a good chance he won't play along when they set the bar too high for him just like last time. Because this time there won't be a Han Solo to save him when no search party is issued, no over-enthusiastic Dak Ralter to make him laugh when the base is infiltrated, No Mara Jade to hold the pieces of him together. Just a lone Jedi, bleeding out in mournful silence while tending to everybody else and the few who'd notice are either dead or scattered. (That's what really broke him in the end: everyone asked for impossible hopes again and again. He accomplished them for the most part, he gave them everything and smiled whilst receiving the bare minimum for himself. In the end he had nothing left and they butchered him for it. That was his breaking point.) Acknowledging this fact is a whole new level of depressing. Luke comes back and tells them the engine's ready to go. He leads them to a cargo ship, apparently he took a random smuggler's shuttle to lead others off his trail. Wes begs his Commander to come back as he sets the coordinates for hyperspace. Shouts that the galaxy needs him, General Organa needs him, they need him. It was actually having some effect until the New Republic was mentioned. (Blast it all, why didn't Han and I tell anyone what they did to Luke. So what if old Rebels would have killed a bunch of people, they all died anyway.) Funny, the coordinates are for Malastare. Not too far to reach the Resistance base on D'Quar but just far enough to avoid suspicion. Guess Leia's not the only Skywalker Twin keeping tabs on loved ones.

"Forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive Commander. For curiosity's sake: what it would take for you to come back?"

"I'd come back for Mara, after she gives me hell for a while. It was good to see you, hopefully next time we'll meet under happier circumstances."

"Likewise, though Leia's gonna chew us into bits for not bringing you home. Still I've got the coordinates to you here so maybe she'll leave some part of us intact."

 _You're hugging me Luke. Your hugs still fit Biggs's description though the star feels sadder than sorrow itself._ "Don't worry: neither of you will remember enough for that to happen."

"What?"

Hours after Starkiller Base has been destroyed General Wedge Antilles and Colonel Wes Janson are found by Resistance scouts tracing a homing beacon often found in smuggler's ships on Malastare's forests. When asked for their latest memories both men state Hosnian Prime's obliteration is the last thing they remember clearly. None of them know how they survived or how they got here. Wedge claims in his statement he gets fragments sometimes: a silver hand offering relief, the smell of salt, a warm embrace that filled him with peace and melancholy. The Resistance chalks their survival down to the will of the Force.

Elsewhere, on the seaside cliffs of Ahch-To Luke Skywalker's chest bleeds red as the Last Jedi mourns Han Solo's demise.

Notes:

Hands out tin cup: Comments please?


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Kylo I

Summary:

This is probably the riskiest chapter I've posted yet since it's made from the bad guy's point of view. According to my sister it presents a very jaded version of Kylo Ren/Ben Solo's relationship with his family that may be unsettling for some viewers. Bear in mind that Kylo is 1,000 shades of messed up, though there is a "villain has a point" moment in here. PLEASE know I do not think Leia is evil, Kylo just sees her as evil the way Vader saw Obi-Wan as malignant. Then again it might not be so unsettling: we are fanfiction readers after all.

This is how it feels to be Kylo Ren*

You are a relatively young man with old eyes, brown irises that disclose how you find scant joy in your studies. Supreme Leader knows it, he has always known you struggle to become purely dark, similar to the Siths of old. Your distasteful inability to scorn the light side once and for all. To hide such failings from his Master is futile, try as it might a sapling cannot escape the shadow of a centuries long tree. Especially now when your weakness has manifested so repeatedly, in such an obvious form. The last few days have been laden with tribulations, remnants of the past coming together have fomented the flicker of light within his blackened heart to spring forth. To call upon him again as if he had never left and the last decade was just an incredibly realistic dream. Lor San Tekka had been the first and most glaringly obvious with his criticizing and sanctimonious declarations, it hadn't bothered him to cut the old man in half with his ruby light-saber. The foolish geezer could have lived out his days peacefully in that barren wasteland if he hadn't tried to play Grand Master Yoda to the Resistance. He disregarded the safety of his villagers by playing host to criminals and knowingly passing vital information to General Organa's group of anarchists. (If Captain Phasma hadn't said anything he could have left Tekka's misguided peasants alone). In the end his effect on the Knights Of Ren's leader was minimal at best, Poe Dameron was another story.

Had it been any other pilot there on Jakku, mocking him with such deliberateness a swift "interrogation" and death would have followed instantly. Only a weak man allows others to undermine his authority, Supreme Leader always said. But this was Poe Dameron, the goofy kid who played Hutts and Spacers with Ben. The gold-hearted squirt who grew into the loyal teenager that let every personal insult slide yet wasted no time on beating the crap out of anybody who mocked his friends. Young Solo's unassuming shoulder to cry on before and after his **_real mother's_** funeral, just as Ben had comforted young Dameron when Shara Bey died. The steadfast youth who promised they'd remain friends forever no matter what as he went to "Jedi School" with a sincerity so clear it sung through the Force like a Nubian Opera's crescendo. So he didn't kill him as Snoke would have wanted but the situation was salvageable: Dameron was an important member of the Resistance and the map to Luke Skywalker was nowhere to be found. That made the Yavinese pilot a valuable asset to the First Order, no one could argue against Kylo Ren's logic except General Hux and that man would offer a compelling argument to a brick wall if it meant he'd prove his rival wrong. The treacherous speck of light made it impossible for him to pry information off his former best friend without dark side meditation, even then his mind faltered at the thought of causing his once confidant/protector/brother in all save blood so he waited in hopes that his particular brand of skills wouldn't be necessary.

It came as no surprise that he hoped in vain: Things rarely happen the way he'd prefer and ultimately Poe Dameron was his father's son, an epitome of strength amidst a sea of cowardice. (It sickens him how almost none of his commanding officers have the courage of the Old Rebellion or the Empire. Had they more bravery the Resistance would have been purged by now). At first he tried a more subtle approach to pry the map out while Poe was asleep but it didn't work. Afterwards he asks if he's comfortable, compliments his mental strength to see if the distraction allows him to wheel the information out calmly but the pilot's mind is a steel trap. " _You might wanna rethink your technique_ " opens his eyes to the new reality. **She would say that to him whenever he failed a task, whenever he** **wasn't good enough her condescending lips would utter** **that** **phrase!** Poe speaks and General Organa's words come out of his mouth, complete with her piercing gaze that drips with keen disappointment and rage. This wasn't his best friend anymore he realized, this was Princess Leia's unholy creation. She took his best friend and molded him into the picture-perfect son she always wanted for herself. Erased Kes Dameron's boy and transformed him into her willing slave that took her word as law. A silver-tongued youth with dashing good looks that didn't have an unnatural power coursing through his veins, a son with enough charm to sway people over to her side by flashing a smile, a son with Luke Skywalker's unwavering sense of justice rather than the vengeful attitude her biological child had displayed from an early age. He has no friends left, this is only a shell of her hypocritical teachings wearing Poe Dameron's skin. It's also the closest he can get to torturing all that Leia Organa embodies: duplicity, abandonment, corruption, ingratitude, betrayal. His ears relish the screams as his mind pictures her squirming in pain the way Mara Jade did whilst Organa slept comfortably in a satin bed, oblivious to her sister's lungs drowning in blood. _Had it been her precious Winter that so much as broke a nail then she would have felt it. Alderaan is the only thing she ever truly loved._

That should been the end of it. General Hux's troops retrieval of the astromech droid would lead the First Order to Luke Skywalker, last of the Jedi who would turn or die. But the stormtrooper he spared years ago turned his back on the Empire's legacy and freed Poe Dameron in the process. Somehow the traitor managed to find the droid, drag Han Solo back into the war effort and defeat some of the Order's finest troops. Failing to dispose of Dameron is now his second (unofficially third) strike, proving the old adage about third times always being the best or worst true. The first strike was his failure at the Temple: It was his fault that some of Skywalker's students had escaped during the attack. He had saved Kyp Durron from a Knight Of Ren's attack, the young man had been the only friend he'd made in Skywalker's academy. Kyp had understood how difficult it was to rid the monsters from your soul. He was also the only other student of Skywalker's that hadn't idolized the New Republic. Durron placed his faith in the Force and individuals, not the fallible workings of bureaucracy. Poe had liked Kyp when young Solo presented his classmate to his lifelong friend, easing the teenager's fear that he'd be forced to choose which one he liked best. When the Temple was attacked Kyp's lightsaber broke and he used the family heirloom Skywalker kept under force-sensitive lock and key. Anakin's lightsaber, Darth Vader's weapon that hadn't seen a fight with the Dark Side in almost 20 years. Surely, the fact Kyp chose his grandfather's weapon was proof that he should be spared. Everyone knew who that saber belonged to but only Kyp was intelligent enough to cast repulsion of its maker aside & defend himself. Supreme Leader didn't have to know exactly how events transpired. At least that's what he told himself when he kept quiet as a group of younglings hid with Durron and Lor San Tekka in a dumbwaiter. Those children vanished from the Force shortly after the New Republic foolishly imprisoned its best hope for survival. It was safe to assume they were dead, Skywalker couldn't protect them inside jail and Kyp was injured. That didn't mean Supreme Leader forgave his lapse in judgement.

The second strike was sparing FN- 2187 from execution. Foresight was never his specialty, Vader had been the one gifted with prophecy. Not that the Old Order had comprehended that, they were too immersed in fundamentalism to see anything beyond the Force's basic outline. If he had acknowledged Captain Phasma's ability to spot insurgents then none of this would have happened. Dameron's shade would have been executed, the droid would be in their possession and the Knights of Ren would be headed to face Skywalker. But the concise yet well-exposed rhetoric reminded him of Master Katarn and Kyle had been a true friend to his mother. A quick evaluation had shown the same analytical mind, though it was somewhat stilted by conditioning. Kylo Ren had arranged for FN-2187 to receive a lighter version of reconditioning thereon, as expected the young trooper flourished with his mind clearer than ever before. When his time came FN would serve to fortify the Order, perhaps he would succeed Phasma. He had foolishly presumed that FN-2187 would share the dead knight's sense of loyalty. Projected his nostalgia into a man he knew nothing of. His men at Takodana payed the consequences. Fortunately the incident was too trivial for the memory of most, Supreme Leader Snoke had not been informed of his woeful decision.

Officially the third strike was the girl who stared at him with his real mother's hazel eyes. The scavenger who defied all odds, who went from rabble to revolutionary in a flash. It seemed like a script taken out of the fairytale book Winter Celchu gifted Ben Solo, filled with stories where the mage or Jedi vanquished evil and peace reigned eternal as magic led the kingdom to prosperity. A beautiful lie they all told themselves: that you could have magic without monsters. Foolhardy, the lot of them. How naïve of seasoned war veterans to cling unto such fantasies. Kylo Ren knows better, recognizes the way things are. There are no "happy endings", no time of the perennial light because the dark cannot be eradicated. Darkness never truly dies, it reincarnates. Evolves within the depths of shadows, grows beside the ambitions of man, thrives beneath the bitter memories politicians seek to erase from the history panels. You cannot stop the dark but you can control it, wear it like armor for the self. Make it so none can tell where the masked wraith starts and the man begins. (Masks are easy to don when you've much to hide. Luke Skywalker taught him that lesson.) But the girl made him want to think otherwise, to dream in the impossible once more. He was drawn to her, a part of him yearned to protect her and shield the scavenger from the gruesome reality of life. To keep his mother's eyes free of the woes that plagued Mara Jade Skywalker, guard this strange young girl who also has Master Jade's shoot-first and ask questions later approach. She felt **_warm_** the way mother's hugs and bedtime kisses had been warm as she slept. **_Bright_** like Skywalker before losing his wife as her thoughts drifted to her companions, **_real_** like a beam of sunlight one cannot see without blinding yet touches him all the same when she resisted his powers. The scavenger _terrifies_ him and not because of her Force-Sensitivity. It petrifies him that if Supreme Leader requests her death he will be unable to follow this wish.

"BEN!"

"Han Solo: I've been waiting for this day for a long time."

The man who sired him stands at the edge of the precipice. Walking with steadfast pulse and heavy step, as if he passes the crossroads between chaos and salvation. Kylo takes in the measure of the last person to touch him with tenderness. The last sentient to say "I love you", hurried as it had been it was honest as was the "Love you too dad". Contrary to what people may think Ben Solo did love his father. The scruffy-looking man who could come home from an emergency war meeting, nearly get killed by a Imperial loyalist and deal with smugglers on the same day but still find the time to read his son bedtime stories. It meant even more when he fell asleep halfway through the pages and woke up two or three minutes later with a yawn not far from his mouth, cause it was proof his father saw him as a priority. That he was important enough to place over sleep, trade routes, military strategies and political tactics. Han Solo was weak regarding his connection to the Force yes, but he had made up for it in different ways. The Force-null Corellian had shown more affection in a single day than the egg-donor who betrayed her heritage and thought a pat on the head or a "family" dinner twice a month bound them together. An image appears: Han Solo leaving his wife behind, tired of always the same thing. Desperate to wipe clean the suffering brought by the injustice he couldn't rectify, the labyrinth "Her Majesty-Ness" hadn't warned him properly about. To pick up where he left in Mos Eisley in the hopes that he'd be rid of honorable duty, that he wouldn't be the hero of an ungrateful system any longer. _That's the most logical thing you've ever done Solo, you finally left the harpy that took you for granted_. Organa never understood just how fortunate she was to have people willing to get their hands dirty for her. Had never grasped just how lucky she was to have Han Solo and Luke Skywalker around to lead her towards the eye of the hurricane. It startles him to learn Solo spent years searching for his son, that his refusal to see Ben leave for the Academy was an action of disapproval towards the decision rather than his temperamental child. Han Solo: always full of surprises-

"Take off that mask: you don't need it."

"What do you think you'll see if I do?"

"The face of my son."

If Han Solo expected his seed to grow into his looks then he'll be disappointed. Ben Solo's large ears stayed oddly disproportionate, his nose remained awkwardly shaped. He probably looks worse now than he did as a young adult. The soft-childishness of his face and body are long past, replaced by towering limbs that fall over tortured gaunt cheeks and unruly hair. He is not beautiful the way Organa was in her youth nor he is ruggedly handsome like Captain Solo. But his fa- Han Solo doesn't care about that when he takes the mask off. If anything his thoughts reveal curiosity tempered with determination, addled with concern. Why would he be concerned about him after everything he's done? Why would he waste a decade looking for a child that never fit the galaxy's requirements? Fill his eyes with an expression that hinges on **_love_** he doesn't deserve anymore and tell him it's not too late? Kylo Ren wonders if Han Solo is aware that his mental shields are down, that he's given his dark-sider spawn the opportunity to perform mind rape along with other alternatives that are far more permanent. He must know, Skywalker had taught the Corellian General how to protect himself as much as any Force-null could.

 ** _Leave here with me... Come home:We miss you_**. Who's we? Mother is dead and her ashes lie in a humble monument his father visits on Yavin day, Organa created a myth of her martyred son he can't live up to. The would-be carrier of a Jedi Legacy, a great loss to the galaxy. (It had infuriated him to learn Leia spread these lies, that Poe believed them was even more grating.) She will welcome the idea of him, not the twisted man he is. Kyp is lost or dead and evidence points to the latter, Poe will no doubt see him as a wretched abomination after what he did. His father might forgive him but the rest of the cosmos won't be so kind. Even if he hadn't gone dark Ben was still Vader's grandchild and Kylo Ren had been still shared a slight training bond with "Lord Vader's Cum Stain" in the immediate aftermath of the New Jedi purge so he felt the heat, heard the razor shaving, winced as they flogged hastily-stitched flesh. The galaxy saw uncle Luke as a monster and he was innocent of any wrongdoings. Every sentient with a comm link saw the crowds over-flooding when the Senate vetoed "Lady Vader", perhaps Organa should thank the First Order for ending Hosnian Prime. From a certain point of view one could say that they avenged the Skywalker twins. His father chalks Skywalker's reason for leaving down to the imprisonment, truth is Luke had been breaking inside long before that.

Ever since Mara Jade died her husband's Force signature felt different. On the outside nothing seemed wrong, he still taught at the Academy, he still cleaned up political messes but his smile was wrong. During his early days on the Jedi school Ben had sneaked up on his uncle during meditation after unlocking the door. (A disturbing sign, Mother always said meditation was meant to be open). Inside the preteen had caught a wave of sensations no longer shielded by a Force-blocking key and lock. The Grand Master of the New Jedi Order's emotions were akin to someone with a landspeeder resting on his back. Crushed flat, hardly able to move because of the pain. It hurt to stand near him, it felt like he was being squeezed against iron walls and there was no C-3P0 to shut down the garbage compactors. Uncle Luke had stopped meditating the moment he sensed his nephew's discomfort. He'd shoved all the bad stuff back inside him with no hesitation, locked up a severe melancholy none acknowledged. No wonder uncle Luke was always busy when dad or his army brothers came to visit, he did it on purpose. If they had a battle to fight or a problem to solve there'd be no time left to glimpse how the Last Jedi was dying a little each day. But Senator Organa must have noticed, she and Master Luke shared an even stronger connection than anyone breathing. Her instructions to stay beside his uncle made sense all of a sudden. She'd brought him here to catch two birds with one stone. Senator Organa's master plan was for two broken people to fix each other, as if pressing two shards of glass together magically repaired the damage. A pretty plot for Alderaanian fairytales but in reality it was doomed before anything began. If she'd really cared about her twin she would gotten him or Ben psychological help but she placed what the paparazzi would scream over the well-being of her child and brother. For all that the First Order is ruthless it also values honesty. (He prefers it when leaders are outwardly vicious, rather than hiding politics' sadistic tendencies under a veil of pleasant behavior.) Such worries wouldn't have existed if Skywalker had joined them, the bloodline her oh so great Republic hated with a fire worthy of Mustafar is held in high esteem within their hierarchy. Luke Skywalker would have been a Prince in all but name, with all the respect owed to Vader's direct heir. Perhaps then the glass would be mended, perhaps then he and Skywalker would be whole as she wanted. The shards aren't just broken anymore, they've been shattered into atom-sized pieces. No one can fix them, Jedi and Dark Acolyte are both beyond repair. But unlike Skywalker Kylo Ren is presently situated at the point of no return. His decision will herald either Light's Victory or Darkness's Roar. A decision incarnate in his father who like him has both dark and good, in that instant he wishes to be normal so Ashla and Bogan would not yank mercilessly at him.

"I am being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?"

"Anything."

Han Solo's actions right now echo that of his Jedi uncle. The Corellian's irises bear the same tiredness, the haunted gaze that recognizes victory will not suffice but failed to understand the futile effort in protecting liberty. (Weak and foolish but also impossible not to feel something for) You'd think a former criminal would comprehend that the "will of the people" is a fickle mistress, that society is prone to amnesia. It builds you up for the chance to laugh as you stumble down. The masses love you so long as you are seemingly infallible, they are sheep incapable of analysis. Instead they swallow the newest lies and move on to the latest frivolity. If Ben Solo returns to the light what then? What's to be his role in the Resistance or the Republic for that matter? More importantly what will his father do when the war is done? When they've no further use for an old pilot that won't stand aside and keep quiet when it benefits him? It won't end well for General Solo: the Senate will reward him in the first years and slowly plot his descent after they realize the Rebellion's top smuggler inspires more loyalty than they do. Their aversion to centralism will push away the heroes of this war, just like the last one. They'll send them to fight their wars, use their image to gather support in public but when the time comes most will show their true colors. Solo's abandonment of the Republic would make them request more arduous missions in order to "regain trust". They'd done the same with Mother...Oh truly the Supreme Leader is wise: he has glimpsed mercy where others would see only murder. He hasn't been asked to kill his father, he's putting an end to decades of silent anguish. Preventing him from trotting down the same path destiny thrust upon his mother or his uncle. His last words to Han Solo are thank you.

For a second Organa's mournful cry drips through the Force, gloriously saccharine to the soul. He hears her weep, funny he hadn't known she was capable of tears. None were shed as Mara's cinders ascended unto the stars or when Kes Dameron hysterically informed the Solo family Poe was now motherless. The dark thrums in delight, yes let it flood me. Let it coat every inch of my spirit so that I am finally worthy of Vader's line. But then Ha- **_Father_** uses the last of his earthly strength to touch his cheek and the pain Skywalker exuded that day in meditation blooms inside him tenfold as the night's rapture diminishes into nothing. You are weakened in a way you have never borne, it feels as if you are deaf, blind and mute whilst being burned alive as grandfather was by Kenobi's hand. It dawns on you that the last person who saw you, who experienced the full power of devil and angel within your rancorous self but still loved you unconditionally is dead.

And it is your fault he died despairing, his last thoughts were paternal love and forgiveness coupled with the fear that you could not forgive him. Han Solo misunderstood his act of compassion. As the wookie's crossbow pierces you, your mind declares that this is the cost of power, this is your curse. This is the price of being Kylo Ren forever...

Notes:

*If you understand this reference then you rock.

Hands out tin cup: comments please?


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Rey V

Summary:

The direct continuation of chapter twelve in which I chronicle Rey's interpretation of the events transpired at Starkiller Base. Or alternatively titled: How a scavenger who thought the Force was a myth less than a week ago could beat an aptly trained Force-practitioner in mind interrogation & light-saber dueling.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"NO!"

It can't be true, this has to be some horrid nightmare. But she was always alone in the dreams, regardless of what she did or witnessed. Solitude was her expiation in Hell, her sanctuary in Heaven. This time there is no fading away of the horrors spread, no certainty the danger is of little matter, no kindly seraphim to send forth a wave of peaceful hope towards a weeping girl who was both old and young in spirit. Only the harsh blow of the wind and the trickle of ruby light which had shone upon the father-son reunion, now a lurid flood of scarlet dominating the ambiance. Right now Finn is standing at her side, his gaze equally disbelieving as they mourn night's arrival to the age of heroes. Chewbacca's cry of vengeful anguish is far too raw for a clouded fantasy she'll hardly remember come morning. Wise men are quick to claim a legend's immortality, they forget to say one must depart from the physical world first so the story can reach its end. In that moment Rey sheds the weeping five-year-old she's clung to all this time, abandons the self-deceit carried on for over a decade. No more lying to herself they'll come back, no more wasted tears for what never came to pass and no more denying reality is indeed cruel enough to let a good man die so pointlessly.

 _ **Han is dead and you couldn't save him, Han came back for you and now he's dead**_ **,** _ **Han is dead**_...

What kind of malevolent creature is Kylo Ren? He has to be some sort of underworld demon sent to destroy all that is good and bright in the galaxy, no living soul could possibly kill his own flesh and blood in such a heartless manner. He has committed kin-slaying: foulest of all murders in the galaxy. Butchered his **family** , the very thing which held the fabric of her dreams for nearly two decades. There was a time Rey would have given her life for whoever her father is/was to direct a kind word towards the scavenger. Back when the wall on her AT-AT was only half full and hope that her family was coming back still held a shred of logic (From her point of view at least). As the years passed she'd wanted more: a hug, a kiss on the forehead, an apology followed by a promise to never leave again. She'd received nothing save the blurred cry that refused to leave her memory, even as everything else turned to sand and portions and Lor San Tekka's fairytales. But Rey doesn't hate her family for abandoning her in a planet considered worse than five Corellian Hells. She cannot bring herself to hate them, she will never hate them. And for that reason Kylo Ren's actions are completely inexcusable.

Chewie's crossbow pierces the beast Captain Solo called 'Ben' in a sorrowful tone, acknowledging a veiled desperation that made her heart ache for a reason she couldn't explain as he walked towards the man who'd kidnapped her but had shown a measure of kindness. She'd known what to expect from 'interrogation' by the masked horror who saw BB-8's map within her brain, her imaginary self had never shied away from that gruesome ordeal. Kylo Ren acted in a manner that was almost decent, nothing like the horrid torture sessions the shadow so enjoyed. He seemed reluctant to cause her pain during his sole effort to pry information, as if the thought of her suffering mattered to the youth bearing an elder's eyes. _**Don't be afraid: I feel it too.**_ Small wonder most people fail to understand Force-Sensitives, if Kylo Ren is anything to go by they redefine 'complicated'. The dream-like powers Lor San Tekka had spoken of turned nightmarish as he pried further into her brain, searching for the map to Luke Skywalker. (Luke: the man whose name Han Solo uttered like a benediction he didn't deserve, the same name that served as a clarion call to the soul ever since she heard it under the light of burning campfire.) His unnatural ability gave him leave to unearth things she'd never admitted to anyone, every unwilling confession making her blood boil. The no-longer masked creature? mentioned how lonely she'd been all these years, she could tolerate that. It wasn't some big secret that she had nobody, that nothing was really hers except mister Rebel Dolly. (Oh stars please don't let him mention how I miss my doll. I'd die of embarrassment on the spot) It was logical to assume a child-scavenger was desperate to sleep if the day offered no wonders to be found. So what if he saw her cry, they were tears of defiance. A symbol to her determination to break free of him, even though she couldn't budge.

 _I see it - I see the island... And Han Solo. You feel like he's the father you never had_ ** _._** _He would've disappointed you_ ** _._** That was all she could stand: this wanna-be Sith would not insult Han Solo and get away with it, he would not taint her Island, and he would definitely NOT reach any position which enabled him to hurt the angel. She pushed all her most valuable memories into the back of her mind, leaving everything but the fight buried deep within. Rey's tear-stricken face betrayed the agony of her plight as she struggled to resist, a mantra running through her head all the while. A **s long as I'm fighting I'm not dying. As long as I'm fighting I'm not dying. As long as I'm fighting I'm not-** Then suddenly a new, mysterious sense took over her. It was like an invisible hand, crossing oceans of time and space to find her. A hand that was kind and intimate and tasted of glory and grief all at once. It was the ripples of sorrow that allowed Rey to identify the source of this otherworldly sensation: it had to be the angel, no one else could connect with her in a transcendental manner. The angel was helping her! The angel acknowledged their bond! And if a being so incredible could care about her,could wager so much on her potential and strength then perhaps anything is possible. Her mental declaration proved true as she somehow did the unthinkable and entered his head, amazement she doesn't allow to fully surface soon replaced with focus towards her adversary. All confidence left him that moment as the oh so fearsome interrogator's gaze shifted from a smirking wraith to a rattled child, her darker instincts relishing this unexpected form of payback. Enjoyed how the arrogant prick squirmed under her strange ability, how his seemingly ancient eyes shook as she uncovered the weight of his desires. (Rey had pitied him afterwards, she won't make the same mistake twice.)

The angel's hand left shortly afterwards, Rey waits for the emptiness that comes whenever she leaves the island. For the recurring pangs of incompletion, yearning, hopelessness. Instead she feels _liberated_ , as if some unknown cage has imploded and set the dormant part of her soul free. She can't explain it otherwise, not with words anyway but it was this new-found liberty that encouraged her to try the Jedi-mind trick. But nothing topped the sight of Han Solo, Chewie and Finn, the last's quick reply left her speechless. With those five words he ensured her permanent loyalty to all three of them. Had any of them asked for help in burying a body, robbing a bank or overthrowing a government she'd have given aid thoughtlessly because they'd _**come back for her**_ and that was all she'd ever wanted anyone to do. She hadn't asked for reassurance, it seemed foolhardy to request for it since the original conditions of her wish had been kept. That Finn hugged her anyway sent a wave of sheer wonder coursing through her body, gifting her with a moment she'd treasure until the days of her days. (Han's "Escape now. Hug later" is too laden with what should have been for her to cherish it without crying hysterically right now.)

When Han's body falls into the gaping pit Rey loses her grasp on reality. Pain wraps its savage coils around the young scavenger to the point her eidetic memory fails to register how Kylo Ren is weakened by his actions, how Chewbacca shoots the figure he'd once called 'Baby Ben' with a gooey expression the Solo-Organa household made fun of, how the same heart-broken Wookie pressed the button that caused the walls to cave in. She's pretty sure the old lady from Nimaa Outpost would reprimand her for mourning a man she'd only known a week but Rey can't help it. Silly as it sounds Han and her connected in a way she'd never dared to dream of. Almost like they'd always been friends on some unconscious level. Her 'gift' told Rey that Han's offer of a job meant he welcomed that bond, that he'd include her in his life even if she refused the proposition. And for the first time she can remember a human being truly, deeply wanted her. In that precious eternal moment Han Solo was undoubtedly hers. And it had nothing to do with hero worship or adventure thrills or childish fantasies and everything to do with the fact he was Han. Not General Solo, not the Captain of the Millennium Falcon, just Han in all his rogue and unapologetic splendor. His death tore that bond to shreds, and she cries not for the legend but for the father and human and friend.

The murderous glint in Kylo Ren's eyes (The shape of the kinslayer's eyes belongs to Han but they lack the easy-going air the Corellian smuggler always carried in them.) jolts her back to the present. Her shots are more self-preservation instinct coupled with the need to diffuse her rage than duty to the Resistance. Perhaps her aim would have improved if she'd imagined the storm-troopers were Kylo Ren, after all it's certain from now on she'll kill him every night in her dreams. Finn drags her past the visibly technological part of 'Death Star 3' as she's labeled it in her head, reaching the point where nature still dominates the shape of the planet. Another contradiction: that life could exist inside a monstrosity designed to blast star systems out of the sky. Yet another fantasy of Rey's is fulfilled as she witnesses snow for the first time and the beautiful flakes of solid water chill her skin to the bone. Adrenaline prevents her and Finn from submitting to the cold, the sharp gusts rendered null at the urgency to escape. Going back to Jakku now is futile, as Maz Kanata said nothing waits for her there and even if it did she's no longer the girl who waits for destiny. Yesterday's person is gone and so she and Finn must move forward. With luck the Resistance might grant some purpose to her life, the way abandoning the First Order emancipated Finn. Providence however, does not seem inclined to benevolence as proven by the still figure standing at the edge of the forest, opaque robes contrasting with the white spread of the land. His demonic blade ignites, its three jagged beams glowing sinisterly. Resembling outfalls of blood amidst the frost-bound currents of wind and snow. Coincidentally the man is bleeding, shame Chewie didn't shoot him in the occipital lobe. _I'm not afraid of you. The shadow makes you look like a wimp and I've survived him every night for over a decade. There's nothing you can do to me that I haven't already seen or commited at his behest or endured._

"We're not done yet."

"You're a monster!"

"It's just us now. Han Solo can't save you."

For reasons she can't explain part of Rey believes that Kylo Ren's warning is directed unto himself more than her or Finn. Why? Kylo Ren hated his father more than anything in the world, he must have loathed Han unconditionally to kill him off so quickly. People hurt and kill that which they despise, not that which they love beyond measure. So why would he want to be saved by someone he clearly despised? The man's whole existence is a tribute to paradoxes: a villain who shared the blood of heroes, Darth Vader's acolyte who abhorred torture, a wounded enforcer looking half a corpse and half a god of war. Screw this emotionally deficient, whiny brat and double screw the voice in her head whispering in a not-so-subtle tone for her to cast logic aside and convince this bastard to come home. (Didn't her imaginary self learn anything from Han's death? What's next: a command to drink tea and cakes with Darth Malak's ghost?) This time she does the opposite of what her imaginary self requests and moves to fire at Han's murderer. Her hands reach for the blaster at her belt, planning to finish what Chewbacca started when Kylo Ren lifts her up and slams her into a tree. She wakes up to the sight of Finn struck down in the cold. Kylo Ren extends a gloved hand to the fallen light-saber. The mythic sword moves at his behest. ( _Let me meld with you_ her imaginary self asks. Rey doesn't reply, this is something she's never thought of before. She'd believed the proposed offer was out of the question. _You control the brain and I'll land the blows. Permit this and justice shall be done._ That statement is what persuades Rey to grant the request. The scavenger is no slouch but she's fully aware that Kylo Ren is well above her level of expertise. She cannot defeat alone him unless someone straps a force-suppressing chain but with the combined strength of her other half, the half that fought and suffered and bled for the sake of one godless man is more than a worthy match.)

Revenge takes on a sacramental disposition as she surrenders herself in order to ensure the time of reckoning is here and now. Astonishment rises quick as the blade that belonged to Luke Skywalker and his father before zooms past Kylo Ren and lands at the hilt of her palm. This is where legends and cowards part ways, this is the hour I validate my existence. Kylo Ren's face is equally stunned at the turn of events, albeit for other reasons. A maelstrom of anger, fascination and bafflement invades the man for a moment before settling back to the battle-ready expression he'd worn. It doesn't stop Rey from sensing a thrum of something far too similar to joy for her comfort lurking within Kylo Ren as his lips move to say _**It is you*.**_ Soon after igniting the azure blade her decision to entrust the Emperor's Hand with movement turns out to be a life-saver because she has no idea how to use a light-saber. _This is nothing like my staff, the weight and balance of this weapon couldn't be more different. Force I want my staff back._ The Shadow's Hand fights more aggressively than Rey, there's a chance she would have killed Finn if their roles were switched. Sadly, her prowess is stilted by the dysfunctional link between her and the Hand. The Hand is unacquainted with Rey's body and Rey is unaccustomed to such a relentless form of combat, the end result is a thread-bare technique that Rey calls basic and the Hand calls sloppy with a tone suggesting she very much wants Rey to perfect her skills. Of course everything would be simpler if Kylo Ren didn't fight better than any man hit by an explosive bow-caster and stabbed in the shoulder has a right to. Why can't he just keel over from blood-loss like somebody normal? He keep coming at her, hacking away at the trees as Rey tries to run so she can get Finn to safety. Eventually he pushes her back by using the planet's imminent destruction to his advantage, forcing her to the weaker spots of the deconstructing surface. Rey genuinely thinks she's going to die as a large chunk of the forest collapses behind her. The rubicund blade's heat threatens to slice her face in half. _Ashla, if I perish to atone for past sins then that's fine with me but please let Finn, Chewie and the Resistance live another day._

 _ **You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the Force.**_ It made sense now that Kylo Ren hadn't aimed for any vital organs during their battle. His strikes were intended to disorient her, not kill her. The dark acolyte wanted to take her alive, probably in compliance to whoever taught him the worst side of the Force. The man should have offered that before he pierced Han Solo's chest from front to back. Of course, even if he had Rey wouldn't want it. The young scavenger may not possess relatives, wealth or prestige but she is free to carve her own path. She's witnessed first-hand the 'instruction' he offers and it always ends in suffering. The Sith are selfish in the stories and Kylo Ren's done nothing to dissuade that conclusion, they serve only themselves when they were supposed to obey the will of the Force. _**The Force...**_ " _A Jedi would say that is only by finding balance within chaos and harmony that we become immortal in the Force"_ Lor San Tekka had claimed. But the Jedi are all but extinct, their exploits considered myth more than history. And those who believe in them are branded idiots or sentimental fools, as if it was logical to cast aside a centuries-old truth on the word of hypocrites that slaughter planets per whim. No, the Jedi might be gone but what they stood for remains and if the warriors of olden can't defend the light anymore then perhaps it's time for people to be their own Jedi. Concentrate Rey, let every cell in your body rise against this foolhardy dark-sider. Rey closes her eyes for a long beat, placing her trust in the Force. When Rey opens them, she is centered, fortified and most importantly linked to both halves of her soul. The scavenger exerted no control over the Hand. In turn the Hand did not feed off the immediate surge of power within the scavenger. Both of them merge perfectly as the Force delighted upon their alignment, sang whilst the two acted as one.

What Rey felt ran deeper than anger, it was hatred in its purest sense. She lunges at him in all her life-consuming fury, bent on his defeat. (Later she finds out her stab at him was in the same spot he hurt Finn, the revelation is bittersweet. ) Kylo Ren falls gracelessly to the floor, all his supremacy vanished as he desperately reaches for his saber. He lifts himself and stares at her, his severed face expressing a mixture of fear & reverence as he struggles to move upwards. And she wants to cut off all his limbs one by one to leave him wallowing in freakish misery as this world falls apart at the seams. An honor less death, befitting the pernicious leech he is. _Now join your precious Darth Vader in Sith Hell. (_ ** _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)_** The bond snaps with that ear-shattering scream, leaving Rey alone to realize she stands on a threshold more dangerous than any cliff- the edge of the dark. Lor preferred the term "seduced" than "fallen" to the dark side of the Force in his stories, now she understands why. Seduction is not a merciless act barring consent or emotional bonds. Temptation is beautiful, and offers you thine heart's desire in whispered airs. Like a siren, beckoning you to ruinous shore. No more, if she turns to the dark then everything the Rebellion and its successor fought for is rendered null.

The earth splits, leaving Kylo Ren on the far side of the land as the recently-formed gully sends both adversaries miles away from one another. It's over, she's won. The monster is vanquished and evil has lost. Victory is hers yet all Rey feels is hollowness. Beating him didn't take away the pain of losing Han, it just exposed her to the Dark side of the Force. The murderous drive is gone, replaced by the urgent need to find Finn. It would take a miracle for Chewie to find them and if miracles aren't likely on Jakku they're unheard of in Starkiller Base. She can't fly him away from the corroding station/planet but she can ensure he doesn't die alone. At the very least he deserves that supposedly miniscule boon. Rey hastens her pace through the woods and mentally promises her friend she won't abandon him like her parents did to the little girl she once was.

Notes:

*Taken from The Force Awakens novelization.  
Hands out tin cup:  
Comments pleeeeeeeeeease?


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Talon Karrde I

Summary:

I'm aliiiive! (Only half-joking since I went through Hurricane Maria like the rest of Puerto Rico.)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Talon Karrde had known it would be a particularly foul day since waking up: he'd risen with a gut feeling that somewhere, somehow a massive change would take place in the galaxy and not for the better. His instincts proven right when the hotel's butler droid attempted to give him poisoned hot chocolate on his morning meal. (Uncouth waste of programming, how vulgar of the droid to ruin such a delicacy.). The smell of bitter almonds warned him of the instilled venom, the folded corner of the bedroom's carpet revealed the location of yet another would-be murderer. Six blaster shots and one permanently stained carpet later the old smuggler left said establishment as quietly as he had entered, a wad of credits placed on the bed to pay for the troubles some poor woman or fellow will have to through in the upcoming hours. A storm was coming, the old woman's hysterical prophecies were proof enough to those who remembered the Old Republic or studied Jedi lore: Talon Karrde is a man who lived in the Old Republic and was handed Jedi Scripture by Luke Skywalker himself.

His eidetic memory allows him to place the woman, her name was Dama Whitesun Brunk; younger sister to Luke's aunt if what the Jedi told him is true. (Of course he hides that information to himself when he arranges for her to be quietly released.) Her familial bond to the Grand Master is most likely the reason she can hear his voice clearly when most only hear a woman's voice. The old woman refuses to leave with his men, she is distrustful of Core-Worlders claiming they wish to help. _Logical, considering how the Inner Rim has never aided Tatooine, it took a Tatooinian Jedi for the Hutt's multi-centennial slave system to end._ He is forced to make an appearance, Dama recognizes him from Luke's wedding as the man who gave Mara on the altar and throws herself at his arms; sobbing that she was innocent of the charges Hosnian Prime laid to the Church of the Force. The smuggler reassures her that all will be well and that she'll be reunited with her family to live in peace soon enough. Dama lifts her face away from his now-ruined shirt and parts her lips to talk, apologizing with her eyes for whatever it is she'll say. Whitesun stares out into nowhere, as if her eyes could see past the walls of his ship and glimpse the twin suns of her planet. Finally she declares "Until Beru's son comes home, no longer pretending to be a stone castle when inside he is a shattered glass angel **then and only then** I will find peace." She is a Skywalker at heart, that he is certain of.

 _Ah the Skywalkers: ever a source of peril, ardor, comradeship and_ _fascination._ As Luke's home planet fades from view after safely delivering his aunt Karrde's mind drifts back to when he 'visited' Tatooine upon Jabba's death and the subsequent mass-liberation of slaves. There'd been a middle-aged man sitting at whatever Mos Eisley cantina Talon selected to conduct his business. He sat upright in blissful satiety, but the indulgence lied more in the fact he could eat and drink at a table freely than any actual gorging. The man called himself Kitster, peculiar name but certainly not the oddest he'd come across in his treks though the galaxy. Talon expected they'd toast to the actions of Luke Skywalker, a salute repeated so many times and in so many languages on Tatooine that the smuggler was tempted to bring said youth to the planet and crown him king to see if anyone would refuse. (Tatooine always remembers, even when the rest of the Galaxy forgets. It was Tatooine's government that stated refusal to release Luke Skywalker from 'Republic Custody' would be taken as an act of War. ) Instead the prematurely-aged man did something not many beings organic or programmed could boast of: Surprised the man whom none had left shocked in stars-know how many years by toasting 'To the memory of Ani Skywalker, who fulfilled his promise throughout his son'. (The only other person that managed to surprise him that decade was a young woman with anger issues who thought _**smuggling**_ of all things was a normal civilian job.)

Never let it be said that Talon Karrde passed on a good story, he'd politely asked the man how he was connected to the Skywalker family. Kitster Chanchani Banai was an unexpected well of insight about the Skywalkers, a link to information the rest of the galaxy never saw or never bothered with. Nothing else about the bar was memorable and he'd never seen or heard from the man again, never asked young Skywalker if he kept contact with any of the slaves he'd recklessly freed. Talon Karrde was a man of honor yes but that didn't mean he was prone to sentimentality. (Deep down, he prays the poor man continues to exist in blessed ignorance regarding the fate of Anakin Skywalker, that he can still speak happily of his childhood friend without Vader's shadow haunting what were probably the best days of the ex-slave's life but he places little faith in this. To love is a Skywalker is to court tragedy.) Once the calculations to light-speed are finished he heads to the New Republic, deciding the times for cloak-and danger secrecy he hands General Antilles the recording. Less than a day later he provides sanctuary for Lady Celchu's runaways from Hosnian Prime's blockade and sails far away to see how the pieces unravel.

Contrary to popular belief it is pure coincidence that Talon Karrde was on Coruscant, seat of the Old Republic when Hosnian Prime was erased from the stars. Through the Father's will or sheer bad luck the city-planet endured a great tremor as Alderaan's silence was repeated tenfold. Adrenaline permits him run in time to save a crying infant just before a pillar comes down on the child. He tells the grateful mother of said child there's no need to repay him once they're inside the underground shelter. (Mara was right: I am getting soft in my old age). Some youngsters claim that the massive earthquake is the Force punishing them for their parent's sins against the Jedi, the elderly forgo all notion of blame and fall on bended knee pleading for their respective deities to show compassion, a rare few stand erect; declaring wordlessly their souls are ready if death comes for them now.

Talon does none of this, such blatant onslaughts of emotion are not in his in nature and even if they were he wouldn't risk losing a lifetime's reputation under the influence of one moment of panic. Besides, none of these reactions agree with him: he was never religious in the traditional sense. Knowledge, honor and loyalty were his gods, he's yet to find the cult that worships them exclusively. His adherence to accepting responsibility for one's **individual** actions provoke him to scoff at the blame-casting leeches that probably cheered when Organa was expulsed from the Senate. The crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that applauds your beheading. The speechless are the only group in this ill-begotten lot worthy of admiration but even they are performing a power display of sorts and Talon Karrde does not nor will he ever believe in demonstrations of power. (He silences the voice in his head taunting that his aversion to these complete strangers has more to do with how their stalwart calm in the face of death reminds Talon Karrde of a young redhead who stood in bellicose serenity amidst chaos and bloodshed. )

His men dig him and his 'companions' out of the caved-in shelter long before the proper authorities come. He returns to the land of the living; to a galaxy now bereft of Han Solo and Lor San Tekka, the New Republic obliterated & Wedge Antilles presumed dead along with Wes Janson and Kor Sella. _I stay out of touch for one miserable day and the universe goes to shit. Well, no use wasting time on tears. There's work to be done and power-hunger zealots to overthrow._ He flies through the rubble of Starkiller Base to reach General Organa.(There was a time our enemies kept some semblance of honorable conduct towards one another, for all his faults Admiral Thrawn wouldn't have disrespected Galen Erso or the Marek boy's names in such a manner.)

"Unauthorized vessel; please identify yourself."

"Greetings Lieutenant, inform General Organa that the Jade Shadow wishes to land."

Karrde can practically feel the grin on her face as the young woman grants him permission to enter D'Quar. She runs to him once the Jade Shadow's door opens, grateful that he's still alive when so many have perished. _Has it really been 15 years already since she came into my life? It feels like it was only yesterday that little girl landed on my doorstep._ Just before disappearing from the public eye Lor san Tekka came to the Smuggler's Alliance in the dead of night, carrying a small bundle in his arms. Talon had recognized the girl immediately once the Alderaanian Force-listener allowed him to see her: Tahiri Veila, the youngling that had been 'gifted' to Luke Skywalker on Tatooine by the Sand People. The one Luke and Mara had asked him to protect should something happen at the Academy, back then she was the only infant at the Temple. Veila's presence confirmed the massacre four hours before the most dedicated underground sources brought information concerning the New Jedi's destruction, two days before Skywalker let them take him into custody.

Talon Karrde can still hear the desperation in Lor San Tekka's voice as he plead _**Hide her please, before it's too late**_ with all sagely composure lost, his face having aged a decade in less than twenty-four hours. The holo-pic showing the Force Listener's face when shortly after Skywalker's arrest he was medically interned for seizures no doctor could explain was even more haggard. _They squeezed the youth out of him, just like they've bled Mara's husband dry. I was unable to save_ _Mara_ _or Luke but I can still save another girl from their fates._ It was this conviction that ran through his mind as he ensured the Initiate was placed with a normal, loving couple with no children of their own. Over the years he'd often visited Tahiri under the guise of a biological uncle that couldn't take of her because he was being persecuted by the New Republic and First Order alike. As a wise man once said, the best lies always have a bit of truth to them.

Her adoptive parents gave her a new name, giving weigh to a local superstition which claimed ill fortune to children who bore names with unknown meanings. The girl hadn't cared much for how they called her, so the process was smoothly undertaken. Still he'd kept a look-out for any signs that she remembered who she was, what she was taught and by whom she'd been raised. Even now he tests her whenever the opportunity presents itself. To see if the 'haircut incident' was the only time her bond with Skywalker reopened. She'd run out of the hair stylist's chair screaming **"** _NO!Don't cut my hair_ **, Master Luke loves braiding my hair!"** A day later he'd contacted Lor San Tekka so he could block out the girl's memory again. Hego Connix, her adoptive father commented how curious that such an unimportant fragment of her past resurfaced instead of some part of Jedi training but Talon understood why that 'insignificant' memory was prized to the girl.

To the Tusken people touch is more than just skin-to-skin contact, it is a way to link the soul which according to their mythology grows strongest in the head. Luke was aware of the connotations braiding Tahiri's hair would imply, the Sand People had made sure of that before placing her in his keeping. If the girl permitted Skywalker to touch her golden locks in such an intimate manner that meant she accepted Luke as father of her spirit if not of her flesh. To cut the tress her father braided meant to cast his love aside permanently and to this day Talon Karrde hasn't met a single being that wished to renounce Luke Skywalker once he/she loved him in their separate ways. Tis no surprise that a child was no exception to this unwritten rule.

Tahiri grew up to be a fine woman; she would have made an extraordinary Jedi. _Call her by her new name damn it, it's not like her family chose a horrible one for her._ They renamed her Kaydel, a name which meant evergreen in their planet to praise her bright- gemstone-like irises. Eyes she would hide under brown-painted contacts when, against her parents' wishes she joined Princess Leia's Resistance. There's a shortage of naturally green eyes in the galaxy. It's a shame she continues to hide hers from the universe. She had quickly become the would-be-queen of Alderaan's confidant and his best insider on the Resistance. An almost fatherly pride swells in his chest as she puts him up to date on the latest developments, official and non-official news reported indiscriminately whilst they sit in the Shadow's Mess Hall. (He regrets that in spite of all Luke's wayward youngling has done for him he's never felt completely paternal towards Tahiri. The sad truth is that the bulk of his love was for Mara. For sweet, devoted Tahiri there was enough spirit in him left to care for the girl but not to love her unconditionally though he does admit her presence in his life has been somewhat healing.)

Suddenly, a crashing sound surges inside the space shuttle. Access to the ship is restricted and Tahiri informed him all Resistance members save General Organa or Admiral Ackbar were not allowed within a mile of the ship so it must be a thief who broke the codes and entered. _Not on my watch you lousy heathens._ The Jade Shadow is still Jedi Master Jade's brain child and he will not permit anyone vandalizing the last tangible thing he has left of Mara. Truth be told, he's unsure why his instincts kept clamoring for him to take The Jade Shadow when he had thousands of newer, less traceable ships at his ships at his disposal. (He's barely sure of anything these days, the galaxy's changed so much in so little time that some days he can barely recognize it.) He quietly sets his blaster to lethal mode, contrasting Kaydel's decision to switch from kill to stun now that the battle is over. General Organa's been filling Tahiri's head with sentimentality, meddling woman. They walk towards the computer room where the noise came from, tension marking each step and hear _**weeping?**_ What exactly is going on here?

He dispenses all caution and bursts into the room, finding a sight he'd never guessed if anyone had told him to. A brown-haired girl, dressed in desert clothing that's badly in need of a wash. There is more child than woman in this mysterious figure who rocks back and forth in fetal position, muttering "please let it be a dream" with a quiet dignity that almost formalizes her words into a chant. She doesn't notice him or Tahiri, the girl is utterly engulfed in her sorrow. Logic abandons him as an involuntary urge causes him to gently walks towards the girl and bends down so he can wipe a tear running down her melancholy cheeks. It is then she returns to her senses and takes him into account. The girl lifts her gaze as he helps her stand up and for the first time in nearly 20 years Talon Karrde looks upon Mara's eyes.

Tahiri is quick to identify the girl as Rey: the Jakku scavenger who found the lost Resistance Droid, retrieved the Millenium Falcon and defeated Kylo Ren with Anakin Skywalker's light-saber. An impressive resume for one so young but for some reason all of that pales in comparison to the fact that Mara's hazel irises are staring back at him. There are other physical similarities to Mara beside this: the shape of her ears, her height, the way she straightens her shoulders when addressed... It takes Tahiri's introduction for him to cease this masochistic analyzing.

"Rey, this is Talon Karrde. He'll claim his only contribution to the Resistance is naming it but in truth his support has been vital to us."

"Naming your group of revolutionaries was the most important thing I did for it Connix. Leia's preferred moniker would have sent half the galaxy packing."

"I still insist the Galactic Alliance was a perfectly suitable name. Rey, do me a favor dear and tell this old coot he's being overdramatic"

"Forgive me Tahiri but I have to agree with him. 'Galactic Alliance' sounds completely ridiculous."

Outliving seven planets has driven him mad. That must be why he heard this girl's mouth pronounce Kaydel's true name, that's why he's witnessed a scavenger blurt a long-buried truth known only to him now that Lor San Tekka & Veila's adoptive parents are dead. But Tahiri heard it as well, Lor San Tekka's trick holds (thankfully) as she kindly tells Rey that is not her name and provides the girl with the lie he helped create. Lt. Connix inquires why Rey would call her by such an odd name, the scavenger shrugs her shoulders and says 'It fits you'. When Tahiri is commed by Organa and runs off Talon performs his own inquiry.

"Why were you crying my child?"

She picks up a data pad from the desk "I just learned from Poe's report that Kylo Ren killed Lor San Tekka. He was my only friend on Jakku, the first person to ever care about me. Part of me can't believe he's gone."

"Understandable. Mind telling me how you broke into my ship without triggering the alarm?"

"I didn't break into your ship. Is that why your blaster's set to kill? Cause you thought I was a thief!"

 _Well, she certainly has Mara's keen observation skills though her temper's not as bad._ "I'm not accusing you of larceny, I'm just curious how you got into the ship."

"With all due respect Sir, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

Rey claims the ship let her in once she placed her hands on the hangar, admiring the vessel. Guilt fills her eyes as Rey confesses his ship puts the Millennium Falcon to shame. He gives her a tour; still asking questions as they walk and he marvels at her sweet answers, smiles upon seeing Mara's hazel orbs so openly kind and brimming with intelligence. The girl possesses a creative mind, much like Mara's but her conscience is sensitive in a way that Mara never sought to be, in a way _**the Emperor never**_ _**allowed her to be.**_ Half-way through their excursion he stops comparing her to Mara: Rey is hopeful and compassionate and very much a delightful person in her own right. She deserves better than an old man likening her to a pile of ashes. Then for no sudden the girl moves to the opposite direction of where he was leading her. She stops upon the door which opened **their room** (Luke and Mara's).

"The Pilot's seat is on the left side."

"What's behind this door?"

"Dear girl: I don't know, the owner didn't tell me the codes."

"Well then, I'll just have to open it so we can both find out."

"Best that you don't: the control panel zaps you if you enter the wrong digits."

She doesn't listen to him as her fingers rapidly touch the numbers. He moves behind so he can catch her once the bolt hits, hoping the sting teaches her a lesson. The door opens and dust floats through the air as he glimpses the room no one has entered in almost two decades. _Nineteen years, nineteen years. Could it be possible..._

"How old are you my child?"

"Nineteen years by Galactic standards, why do you ask?"

"Come here, I wish to show you something."

He takes out a hologram storing cylinder much like the one young Ben Solo had. The first image to appear is Luke Skywalker just after the Battle of Yavin, still wearing his orange jump-suit and laughing with Princess Leia; turning red as a tomato when she kisses him on the cheek. This is Luke before he understood how horrible it was to have a destiny, before he learned with just little sapience or morals the galaxy is run. With foresight this holo-pic is both heartbreaking and wonderful to look at. If applied correctly this relic will provide the answers he seeks.

"Do you know who this man is."

"Of course I know who Luke Skywalker is, I lived on a wrecked AT-AT, not under a rock."

"If you could give him any nickname in the galaxy, what would you choose?"

She bites her lips and smiles with a hint of mischief that also exudes daring, appearing pleased with her chosen moniker. _I've seen that smile before, strange though it seems. Older, more brazen. It haunts all my dreams._

"Farmboy."

 _ **Mara: my**_ **protege,** **m** _ **y**_ **confidante,** _**my daughter**_ **.** _ **You're alive, you cheated death. Oh Mara it's been so long...**_

"Talon, are you all right? You're crying."

He takes her in his arms and shortly after Talon Karrde falls to the ground to praise whatever magic or deity reunited him with his child.

Notes:

Hands out tin cup: comments please?


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Harter Kalonia I

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

19 ABY, Hosnian Prime Penitentiary Center

 _"Hello."_

She searches for whomever greeted her, hoping to find a possible friend. The person who spoke is nowhere to be found, the only sentient being her eyes catch is a battered-looking man with a straight-jacket on him, strange-looking robes or is it a dress? barely peaking out of the eggshell fabric to give a splash of creme amidst white-washed walls and scarlet drops dripping out of this man's nose and mouth. It is only her well ingrained manners that prevent her from staring any longer and allow the young Doctor to say 'hello' back to the mystery man who blesses the guards after they give him a barely edible meal he can't reach, much less chew. _Oh no they didn't..._

She taps on the glass to get the prisoner's attention. "Excuse me Sir, is this cell 308?"

He coughs so badly she's afraid they've sent her to treat a lung cancer patient. She watches this human sentient with a shaved head whisper to himself, as if practicing how to speak after a long period of silence. Finally Kalonia hears his voice, shocked to find a distinctly Tatooinian accent shining through the syllables so hoarsely pronounced. "It was eighteen days ago."

 _Textbook discrimination towards immigrants: In Sirpar I work in the emergency room, In Hosnian Prime I wait three weeks to be cleared so I can spoon-feed some Outer-Rim crackpot. Joyless bastards probably heard my accent and thought they were doing me and the patient a favor._

"So you're the new nurse?"

"Actually I'm a doctor, not that these Core-Worlders care. To them a Middle-Rim doctor's a nurse and a Outer-Rim doctor specializes in fledgling mumbo-jumbo."

"What planet you from?"

"I'm Andoweelian, my parents worked on the Triellus Trade Route. Not smugglers, doctors- Where are my manners? My name's Harter, Harter Kalonia. What's yours?"

"My name? I'm Luke, Luke Skywalker."

Self-control abandons the good doctor as she struggles to stifle a laugh at her patient. Harter Kalonia's parents grew up in the Clone Wars and they recorded every scrap of information they got their hands on: she memorized every new flick retelling the stories about the champions of the freedom in the galaxy, clung to every word spoken by the few senators that actually gave a damn about something beyond political ambition. Hell, she remembers Anakin Skywalker's face better than her little brother's at early childhood. It was no surprise to anyone in her family that she held a torch for his son when the first wanted posters were sent throughout all corners of the known galaxy. Her friends almost got into trouble for saying if 'Public Enemy Number One' was that handsome then they'd sign up to the Rebellion just to date him. This odd and dirty (albeit ruggedly handsome) man has the right eye color, the right hair pigmentation if his eyebrows are natural, even the right height and bone structure but he completely lacks the dauntlessness, the gaze of eternal hope she saw in every one of his old rebel pictures. Commander Skywalker, it was said, seemed to live in a state of permanent joy and truth and courage. He could march to war for you laughing, not because he found killing pleasurable, never that they would swear. It was because he believed that the person he was fighting for was in him/herself a noble cause. Luke Skywalker was a warrior who stood his ground, this patient probably didn't ask for a release date. But still delusions are a hard thing to break and he might harm himself if she threatens his fantasy.

Conclusion: she's been transferred to a crappy job with minimum pay that she probably can't tell anyone about since they brought her to a section that wasn't shown in the visual mother bought. The only upside to this whole thing is that her patient is one of the good guys, even if he is bat-shit crazy. She can feel it deep in her bones. Like any good Outer-Rim girl Harter Kalonia was taught by her parents to never ignore the quiet ideas that tickle and nag at the back of your head with no logical explanation in sight, for them lie the seeds of destiny. All of them are telling her to befriend this mysterious human who smiled charmingly despite the fact his stubble was more red than blond and his clothes smelled like they haven't been washed in a week. (And that's being generous.) Wordlessly, she picks up the hogwash the guards sent to feed him and flushes it down the fresher with no regrets.

"Do you like bantha stew? My mom sent me a whole batch to last the month. She claims the government puts hormones on the food here to kill our brain cells. I'm sure she wouldn't mind me sharing, especially not with a fellow Outer-Rim citizen."

His posture changes, the unsaid resignation in his pale desert sky lessens, replaced by something she can't quite comprehend. Something she's never let herself fully experience. It looks a lot like hope...

 _"So shines a bright soul in a haggard world."_

The words are said with her patient's voice but she never sees his lips move and the walls are made to prevent voices from carrying out. More importantly the phrase touched her, it snuggles against her skin and delivers the gentlest of hugs to her soul.

"Master Skywalker?"

"Pleased to meet you."

She ends up falling a little bit in love with him in those twelve hours they spend together, though she's quick to suppress it when realizing Luke's devotion towards his dead wife remains strong and unyielding. But he needs a friend in that dark hell hole they're keeping him in so she swears to fill that role to the best of the ability. (Most people spend their whole lives hoping somebody loves them **half** as much as Luke Skywalker loves his friends so it's not like she walks out with crumbs.) Her neighbor calls her crazy when she puts on lipstick to work on a psych ward (the official cover up story provided by the government) that'll just ruin her good mood. That grim prediction's proven right when Natasi Daala calls her over just as she's going to punch her work card, showing Kalonia the video tape in which she took off Luke's straight-jacket so they could eat together. What did she do wrong? She checked his psych profile beforehand in case of hints towards aggressive behavior and the guards gave her permission. Silence is the only answer granted as she and both of Luke's guards are forced to sign even more confidentiality reports. Kalonia files a case against Natasi Daala for placing hallucinogens (she'd bribed a boy in the kitchens toswap a bit of that gunk they gave him and ran tests.) in the Jedi Grand Master's food. It was only with the former guard's help she avoided waiting all day in the legal procedure files. When she asks them why they bothered each responds differently. Karé Kun replies that she can no longer stand by and do nothing while a good man is made to suffer, even if he is Darth Vader's biological son. Yissino Byde claims that he's becoming worse than the Imperials, that maybe by helping Dr. Kalonia with her case he can gain some fragment of peace. The case doesn't get through, news reporters label it conspiracy theories. For eleven days the three swim through seas of red tapes and lose track of how many lawyers slam the door on their face out of fear or sheer malice. She probably looks like an escaped mental patient with her heavy eye-bags, dry lips and fingernails thoroughly bitten. Night is a thing to be dreaded now that it serves as a reminder that one more day has passed in failure, sleep becomes a pre-course to nightmares of Luke being tortured or forcibly sedated or-

The good doctor's thoughts are interrupted by a stranger's hand grabbing her sometime around 2am in the morning. She bites her aggressor's palm in an effort to escape. Another person she hadn't noticed presses chloroform to her nose. She wakes up a bus with blacked-out windows and 20 people some robot shoot if they attempt to speak to. A security droid keeps them in line as they march blind-folded, blaster at their backs all the while. When they finally reach the destination a butler droid unties their blindfolds, apologizing for his master's lack of propriety. In the light she recognizes a few of her fellow hostages, these are some of the best doctors in the galaxy; more specifically the doctors who re-defined the field of medicine during the great Bacta shortage. (Whose are these kidnappers and what do they want with them? What do they want with her?) Then all of a sudden footsteps come from what Harter assumes to be the hallway. She straightens and proudly faces her possible doom. Instead of the hooded executioner her mind constructed they're met with a dark skinned woman* in a doctor's suit who addresses them.

"Ladies and gentlemen: as doctors our lifelong goal has been the preservation of life. Tonight our goal is not only to preserve a life but in doing so we will prevent the harsh blood-letting of Civil War. Each of you will enter individually and proceed as best as you can. Succeed and rewards shall follow, fail and the war begins. "

One by one different doctors are led by the woman beyond the uniform white walls of the small 'guest' room. None of them return and the tension is so thick somebody could cut through it with a blunt knife. Harter is the seventh to be brought inside, the supposed luck of the number instills hope that she won't die here in this strange place, a helpless victim for some demented psychopath's whims. She looks to her right and recoils as one of the doctor's arms is reset. Whatever it is these people want them to do is dangerous, maybe even lethal. Her heart's beating so fast it might jump out at the slightest provocation. _Stars let me live through this horrid night, let me see my family again,_ _let me see_ _Luke_ _again..._

'Be careful what you wish for' takes on a whole new meaning upon seeing Luke's unconscious form twist the arm of the sixth doctor as he tries to inject a sedative. The Jedi is writhing, with each seizure the machines keep breaking and Kalonia has to tread carefully since she's barefoot and broken glass with bits of metal are scattered all across the floor. She barely hears the dark-skinned woman whose name she didn't catch bark orders, eluding once more to the war. Is that all Luke is to the Republic? Did he bleed and mourn and fight all his life just to become a sacrificial lamb in their political game of chess?

"Master Skywalker? Luke can you hear me? I'm going to help you but I need your cooperation. Otherwise-"

" _I'll die?"_ She weeps tears of joy upon hearing his voice in her head, then she puts herself together.

"Yes. You'll die. Luke?"

 _"I'm scared, I don't wanna die. I don't want to leave her alone."_ (She assumes Luke is referring to his sister but in truth he speaks of Mara.)

"Don't worry: I'm gonna fix you up. Just me, none of the people that did this are going to operate on you. I'm so sorry I couldn't stop this."

 _"Harter, I know you did your best and you didn't leave through your own accord. That's enough for me. Now please hurry: My left side's going numb."_

When she loosens his robes Luke's ribs are visible and angry red scars clash with blaster wounds, on the back are whip marks that still feel relatively fresh as she runs her palms over the surface. It is a canvas of sacrifice, a story of painful loss repeated over and over. They perform a full scan of his body to find what's killing him, she tells them to look at the left firsthand. Turns out Luke was suffering from three things: untreated infections in his right leg, pneumonia and most pressingly: respiratory failure caused by liquefied standard military rations, raw eggs and a substance eerily similar to human feces all flooding his left lung. She completely detaches herself from emotion whilst draining his lungs and the medical procedures that follow, this alone prevents her from hacking off an assistant's face when she hears 'I guess Master Skywalker just needed an Outer Rim whore to stop complaining.' (Her feet bleed profusely by the time she's finished her job.) They allow Harter to stay until he wakes up, they don't let her treat the twitching she reads about in his medical portfolio. She creates a copy of his medical report whilst writing the details of his operation which is promptly hands it to Karé and Yissino, both watch and read the disk in private. Karé calls in an old favor that gets them the former Senator Organa's contact number, Yissido hangs himself in front of the Official Senate Building. His suicide note reads 'thus perish innocence in the New Republic'. The First Order uses him as proof of gubernatorial oppression.

Ten days later, when men and women are already sending their children off to school as if they were treading on war-zones she finds the man who held Luke up so he wouldn't cause an uproar by walking on crutches, sends him the disk and prays that he kill the people who did this. By this point she is convinced that there is no justice in the galaxy save what one takes for themselves. She wants them to die and start the rest of eternity in Hell. Instead she finds out some teenage boy decided to play champion of the light's crusade and convinced General Solo to show mercy. Harter goes to the Corellian underworld, buys an unregistered blaster and times the moment when Luke's torturer leaves the building. At 9pm in the New Republic Academy of Science Harter Kalonia stands at the roof, waiting until at long last the monster crawls out of his cage. She raises the blaster, ready to impart just vengeance-

 _"Don't do it Harter. It's not worth the stain on your soul."_

"Stay out of my head Luke!"

"Fine, then turn around so we can talk this over."

He's cleaner than all the previous times they've met. Still walking on crutches but truthfully he's fortunate they didn't have to saw off his leg so the crutch is comforting to her since it means Luke has only one prosthetic. If not for his scarred lips and the bloodshot tinge to his eyes she'd claim he hasn't changed at all but too much has happened to both of them for that to be true. Luke is beautiful in the moonlight, even now. His skin glows like a citrine and the pinkish tone of his eyes makes them look like twin sapphires nestled in soft rose silk. She is so caught up in her admiration that she doesn't register him taking the gun away with the Force until she sees it in his organic hand.

"Give me the gun Luke."

"No."

" **He's getting away!"**

"Good. Let him."

"What's wrong with you?!" He tortured you, he humiliated you, he drove Yissido to kill himself and you won't let me do what you're too saintly to carry out yourself."

"You wanna kill him? Fine: He left the building now so you'll have to kill in his home. He lives at Syndulla Lane, House 44-B, Wheater Street. Of course his wife will be there but she's just a monster's whore so you can off her too if you like right? Oh and the kids too, he has two daughters. The eldest's 14 and the youngest's 9 so you better nip that poison flower in the bud otherwise those girls will grow up dreaming painful ways for you to die, hunting you down till you're dead or they are. **That's** the nature of revenge: people take a bite thinking it ends when your rival's gone but there's no such thing as a little vengeance. So choose wisely because the rest of your life: a life that so far has been defined by healing will instead be weighted in view of that dark moment where, in a fit of raging sorrow, you sought salvation in hate. It's reasons like this we make oaths and creeds and constitutions in the first place."

She kneels to the ground and cries, large ugly sobs that probably ruined his Jedi robes permanently. Luke holsters her back up and suppresses a wince. He stays by her side as she drives home, joking that this way the cops will arrest him instead if she gets pulled over. Out of sheer impulse Harter kisses him on the lips before stepping out of the speeder, wanting to see some trace of romantic affection but finds only the same love he carries for everyone else. There was no lover's pleasure, no youthful happiness, not even satisfaction emerging from him. Just that all-powerful anguish, overwhelming him like one chosen for nothing but sorrow.

"I'm sorry."

"We don't choose whom we love, we choose whether or not to act upon it. Part of me wishes I could love you the way you want me to. But I can't fall in love with somebody when my heart is already taken. I apologise if this hurts you."

 _It does hurt, it feels like her heart's being torn to shreds but it was the truth and all after the bantha fodder she's been privy to a strict truth is loads better than a seductive lie._ What do you say to a love that was doomed from the beginning? What do you say to a man who just saved your soul but doesn't accept anything in return? How do you mend a pain that should have never existed? Bitterly, she think Luke's wife would have known what to do. Radiant, badass Mara Jade whom she couldn't compete with in her wildest dreams. Next to whom she is plain and boring and unsophisticated. Harter has no clue how to handle this situation: she was used to deworming children in third-rate worlds and ER late hours. When there was no bacta or anesthesia of any kind her hospital brought a hypnotist for the amputation surgeries. The hypnotist claimed the key to ensuring they felt no pain was to redirect focus so she tries to do that in her own awkward way.

"Luke:do you want to change the topic?"

"Yes, please tell me what happened today at the Senate."

"Senator Caster Fo wants you to publicly relate what happened on the Jedi Academy. Your sister thinks you could use to this to denounce what was done to you **legally."**

"And be the spark that lit the dynamite on a War? No, I'm sick of fighting: that's all I've done since Han, Chewie, Ben Kenobi and I got caught in that tractor beam. Battles for freedom, for words scribbled on paper, even the right for my soul; something takes for granted in this universe, has been a struggle. I'm not showing my face anywhere a federal building ever again."

"Luke... What was done to you, it was people and they were probably a separate part of the government that the Senate knew nothing about."

In that second Luke was no longer the man she knew: he was disillusion personified, his usually gentle voice turned arctic and unforgiving. Caught by the realization that his dreams had resulted in children's slahed bodies and spiritual bleeding and bitter despair. It's 90 degrees but she feels cold.

"Tell keeping yourself that. Better than the whole anarchist vigilante stunt you pulled."

"But don't you see: you restored my faith in the Republic by choosing to uphold the law's spirit even as its wording pulled towards the abyss. If you could do that surrounded by the hounds of Hell then surely it's no trouble to fulfill your duty and settle accounts with the New Republic."

"I'm not obligated to give the Father or Anakin Skywalker or the New Republic any explanations. It is they who owe that to me, to Lady Ashla and all my Jedi brethren. For the existence they've made us suffer."

He presses a gentleman's kiss to her palm and tells her 'May the Force be with you'. A secret hidden in his eyes that he might not be able to explain to anyone, even to himself. Harter waves her hand at Luke as he fades from view, completely unaware that she'll be the last person to ever see him on Hosnian Prime. The next day she cancels her lease, empties her bank account and joins General Organa's fledgling resistance. (She spends the next 17 years wishing she'd begged him to stay.)

34 ABY (1 month before the Force Awakens)

"And then?"

The aged doctor stares at young Jessika Pava in confusion. She thinks perhaps she's truly old now that the next generation and hers face communications barriers yet there's something to it than that. Jessika Pava is a smart girl, even if she did have to be bribed with this story to skip flight practice since she's still on bed-rest. But Harter can't quite put her finger on it.

"What do you mean by then Jess?"

Pava smiles and rows of teeth seeming more red than white is a painful reminder of the man whose story Jessika follows with the same zeal she once did, just as Harter's parents followed Luke's father. _Skywalkers and their inherent majesty-_

"What happened to Luke Skywalker after that? Doc?"

So many things painful to answer for that innocent-looking question: a hero was lost in an exile of his own making; a love everyone had thought invincible drifted apart, twilight fell across the galaxy. But what happened to Luke? She doesn't know, all she's is certain is that part of him died that night on the operating table or even further back, in whatever room they used to play with the flesh of a man who could have grinded their bones into dust with minimum effort. Part of her died with him in that frigid little room whilst performing mayor surgeries in her pajamas but that rooftop intervention with the Last Jedi took what was left and fortified it to good use. If she's remembered at all Dr. Kalonia would like to be remembered as the healer who gave everything to the Resistance, who sought to do good even when there's no sense to it as did another youth from the Outer Rim who left home an innocent and came back a phantom. That is the price of entering History: mistakes and triumphs are signed in blood. Sign enough times and one day the face that stares back at you in the mirror will be irreconcilable with the one imagined by lovable rogues like Jessika and girls like Kaydel who gets a faraway glance whenever she focuses on Luke Skywalker for too long. 'There are two truths' Luke had told her. 'First, there's our version of truth which we use as bedrock during life and battle. Secondly there's our enemy's truth which bends to whatever perks their ambition.' Neither of those definitions fit her so she responds with her version of the truth.

"For the Luke Skywalker you idolize there was no _**then,**_ there was no _**after."**_

Notes:

*Picture Viola Davis in an Amanda Waller/nicer doctor from Season 2 of Stranger Things crossover.  
Hands out tin cup: Comments please?/


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Author's Notes

Summary:

There will only be two or three more chapters to this work. Afterwards I'm going to make a sequel in which I'll re-write the Last Jedi. Reasons why are explained below. Feel free to offer suggestions.

Chapter Text

So last night l went with my little sister to see the movie that would decide once and for all if this New Canon was worth erasing all the 'expensive fanfiction' collected by me, my dad and my older brother across the years.  
Like everyone else I clapped when the words of our beloved franchise appeared on the screen. Like all hardcore fans I blocked the real world away to fight for a Galaxy far, far away. Immersed myself in the pictorial ink of the movie two years in waiting. I was far from ecstatic with the end result. Don't get me wrong the movie had good stuff besides the fact it wasn't a copy paste of ESB: I marveled at the parallels of Canto Bight to our society, laughed when Luke tickled Rey with a leaf and fangirled when Master Skywalker brushed off cannon fire like it was nothing. But even these moments can't change the fact that this movie was... Disheartening. At least in my opinion. Here are the top reasons why: please note the list goes from least infuriating to most infuriating.

1) Poe stupidly sacrificing the Resistance entire bombing squad in battle: This felt very OOC to me. We're talking about a guy who was raised by ROGUE SQUADRON. Maybe things are different in the New Canon but in Legends Rogue Squadron while reckless and prone to disregard protocol were quick to choose the option that got less people killed. Poe needed to learn leadership? Excuse me Rian Johnson but who was leading Black Squadron in TFA? The Ewoks? Did anyone in your writing crew read the Poe Dameron comics? Also Leia's slapping Poe felt hypocritical to me since she sent an entire Squadron after DARTH VADER in the New Canon and all those men died for nothing whereas Poe actually achieved a military victory, albeit a Pyrrhic one. There should at least have been some acknowledgment of that from Leia's part as well as some sort of funeral procession for Han.

2) Benicio Del Toro: I genuinely thought Del Toro would be Talon Karrde since he'd performed similar roles or Ezra Bridger (I missed Rebels S4 cause of post hurricane Maria conditions so please no spoilers for the show.) His character was given no name or backstory (That's another thing to criticize in this movie: Lack of backstories. Rogue One was more adept in that department, in most departments really.) Waste of a brilliant actor IMO.

3)Amilyn Hondo: This character's ark would have felt much more personal if instead of creating this purple-haired lady in an evening gown who didn't bother to share vital information with one of Leia's protégées they'd just brought Winter Celchu or Wedge Antilles back into the fold which brings to another sore point.

4) Almost complete lack of/excessive killing of characters from previous movies: Maz Kanata had a phone call, R2-D2 had about a minute of screen time, Poe's Black Squadron which had been built up in TFA, Marvel Comics and some of the New Republic books didn't show up at all. They could have at least brought 'Snap' Wexley since he was a protegee of Wedge Antilles or had Jessika Pava stop herself from fan-girling over Luke Skywalker when he shows up. Admiral Ackbar got killed off in a flash, NEITHER LANDO, MON MOTHMA, ROGUE SQUADRON OR ANY OTHER MEMBER OF THE REBELLION IN PREVIOUS MOVIES WERE EVEN MENTIONED. HELL EVEN ANAKIN SKYWALKER'S NAME WAS LEFT OUT, reduced to Vader time and time again.

5) NO POLITICS DISCUSSED AT ALL: Okay the Republic's Capital System is gone; we get it but what about all the other planets aligned to the New Republic? Is the First Order pinning the blame on Leia's Resistance or have they performed a coup d'état on the Republican loyalist worlds? What planets are loyal to the First Order? Are there any members of the Senate left? If so do they regret not listening to Leia when she warmed them about the Rising First Order or do they blame her for what happened? Did any members of the Resistance have family or friends in Hosnian Prime? Was the 'Peaceful Republic' actually that great or was it romanticized and idealized by those who only had the brutal totalitarian Empire to compare it to?

6) The Outer Rim's abandoning the Resistance: this felt like a wasted opportunity for me. In all previous films the military bulk were largely composed of Imperial/First Order vs. Rebellion/Resistance forces and Separatists vs. Republic forces so this would have been the first time Outer Rim forces held the bulks of military strength. We could have witnessed the underdogs of the galaxy fight together. Maybe even have somebody in the Outer Rim legions related to Biggs Darklighter or re-introduce Gilad Pellaeon by presenting him as a honorable Former Imperial/early days First Order loyalist who distanced himself to the Outer Rim after becoming disillusioned with politics, but not before playing on his section of the Imperial fleet's absolute loyalty to him to join him in self-imposed exile until they found a cause worth fighting for. Imagine that: GENUINE IMPERIALS fighting the political entity that wants to imitate the Empire. Or if not presenting a entirely different type of warriors, men and women who come to battle not of loyalty to the Republic but to Leia "The Hutt Slayer" and Luke "Breaker of chains." This would have also shown how Luke's achievements went beyond saving Darth Vader or blowing up the Death Star, how his legacy was more than failure if you looked beyond the Jedi and saw the man. It would have been interesting to see Luke as proud to be Outer Rim contrasting with Anakin who constantly tried to forget his heritage and did forget his promise to free the slaves as well as setting up another comparison between Luke and Padme. So much potential world-building cast aside like nothing...

But all these reasons pale in comparison to what I found to be the most unforgivable mistake in recent film history, one that filled me with a fury I hadn't felt since late April ( Don't remember the exact date) of 2014. What am I talking about? Very simple:

 _ **THE INEXCUSABLE BUTCHERY OF LUKE SKYWALKER'S CHARACTER**_ : The down to earth aspect of Luke's ark was nice but are we supposed to believe that the same man who couldn't fathom killing Darth Vader: the Sith Lord father who'd cut off his hand, killed his childhood friend, froze Han in Carbonite after torturing him and Leia, etc. suddenly 'followed instinct' and considered killing his nephew, a boy he all but raised, who would have been even more precious to Luke seeing as he had no children of his own!? Did you even watch Return Of The Jedi Rian or did you just read the resumed version they put on National Geographic Kid's version on 2003? (God why I do still remember that?) Ever since I was little Luke Skywalker was my favorite character of Star Wars, whenever I had a particularly bad fight with my family as a kid I'd say to myself "If Luke can forgive and redeem Darth Vader then I can at least try to see things from my father/mother/sibling's point of view." To me Luke along with Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padme Amidala were the heart of Star Wars because they _**never**_ stopped trying even as the world crumbled around them. He was my hope, my reminder to never give up, never surrender. I cant count the number I've admired his unapologetic convictions. For all its flaws Legends understood this about Luke: he got betrayed by people within the Rebellion and the New Republic, students of his turned to the Dark Side, he nearly died a billion times, he felt his wife's murder half a galaxy away and barely had time to grieve before being thrust into the Second Galactic Civil War, nearly lost his only child, was forced to wade through oceans of political bullshit and what does Luke Skywalker do? **He keeps trying, he keeps believing in man's better nature despite seeing the worst his galaxy has to offer.** So this whole 'I made one mistake and decided to wait for death in the middle of nowhere' mentality? It's Bantha-Fodder, they've turned a hero for the ages into a cowardly wimp. Why did he leave a map if he came here to die? Also did he have to be so rude to Rey at the beginning? Yes you want to be left alone but couldn't you explain that a little more nicely? This girl went through hell to find you, the least you could do is **not** let her sleep out in the pouring rain. Even worse is the fact that he dies alone, as if saying "Go on save the Galaxy but don't expect anybody to save you".

If anyone in Star Wars deserved a happy ending it was Luke, Disney couldn't even grant him a loved one's hand to hold as death took our favorite Farmboy turned Jedi. And since Darth Mickey, like all Sith Lords think only about himself, the burden of granting these characters what they were due falls to us. I'm going to do my part to help the heroes I grew up: Help me make amends for this travesty fellow Star Wars fans, you're their only hope.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Leia II

Summary:

Happy New Year! As a gift have this chapter in which I explain how Leia Organa decided a scavenger with no field experience or personal ties to Luke Skywalker whatsoever could be the person most likely to bring her brother home.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

34 ABY, post Starkiller Base Victory

Outside her office/bedchamber the Resistance celebrates. Food and drink flow freely as her group of freedom fighters toast the destruction of Starkiller Base. The Corusca System has pledged support to their cause and formally apologized for the 'lapse in judgement' when they expelled General Organa from the Senate. It's a start, a very good start for a possible alliance between her small resistance and the remaining Republican worlds. And to make things even better R2-D2 woke up and gave them the map to _Luke._ Last week or even yesterday the news would have caused her to jump for joy but now all Princess Leia Organa; General of the Rebel Alliance, last of the Alderaainian royals wants to do is stay curled up in bed and weep disconsolately for her husband. _My scruffy looking nerf herder gone at the hands of_ _our son._

Leia knew that Ben wouldn't hesitate to kill her if the opportunity presented itself, the saddest part of it all is that she wouldn't blame him. If she hadn't been a mother why should he feel a son's compassion towards her? Hadn't she always sworn to kill Vader regardless of their blood link if someone handed her a time machine, force binders and a loaded blaster? A child is loyal foremost to the one who stays here, Breha Organa had told the young princess whilst braiding her hair in the balcony she'd never walk on again, the planet she couldn't set foot on until death returned her to the mountains of Aldera. She'd misinterpreted her mother's advice, thinking 'here' meant protecting his future, ensuring that he always had a home to come back to. Han who never met the last Queen of Alderaan understood it better than she ever did: **they** were supposed to Ben's home and if the way Ben's face lit up whenever Han was mentioned was anything to go by then her husband succeeded where she failed. That's why Leia never thought Ben would harm, much less kill his father: the parent who held him through the nightmares while she was ensuring the Banking Clans kept their no child labor policy intact for the first five years of his life, the parent who memorized all the names of his imaginary friends with Poe (What kind of person was she that it took seeing young Dameron light a candle over a hologram of Ben on his twenty-ninth birthday for her to connect the dots between her son's best friend and the hotshot pilot who reminded her so much of Luke it hurt to look at him sometimes? What did Poe referring to her brother and sister in law as 'uncle Luke' and 'aunt Mara' where she was 'General Organa' or 'Your Highness' until recently say about her?) the parent who turned down the position as Chief Of State (Oh how they'd fought over that, if Leia'd been offered that position she wouldn't have hesitated to take it) because the hours were unfit for new parents.

While everyone parties till their well-earned tomorrow Leia sits on the bed, shedding every tear held back over the decades. She didn't cry when Alderaan vanished to deny Tarkin the satisfaction, she didn't cry on Hoth because it was all too sudden to process and when Luke and Han left her there'd so much pain in such a short span of time that nothing seemed adequate enough for the situation except survival mode. Now she's tired of surviving, exhausted by the burden of command with a war brewing. That's probably why she doesn't give some sort of sassy comeback to Talon Karrde when the man shows up inside her triple-locked office with a password, silently handing her a tissue. _**Why do**_ ** _I even bother changing the locks for him?_**

"Do you think he's dead Talon?"

Talon doesn't need any explanations to know who she's talking about. Both of them have safeguarded the secret of Kylo Ren's identity from the beginning. Hell, if not for Talon burying the security tapes of that gruesome night then all the Galaxy would be aware of how 'yet another Skywalker went bad'. _Everyone always compared Luke to Anakin and me to Padmé. Except aunt Sola who said Luke had her sister's loving gaze and old Captain Rex who swore I had General Skywalker's temper whereas Luke possessed General Kenobi's calm defiant nature and his ability to suffer in silence. Funny how the two people who knew our parents best came to a conclusion entirely different from everybody else._ She retracts from her inner monologue in time to hear Talon's answer.

"His remaining shred of logic is probably gone but no I don't think he's dead."

"Part of me wishes the lie I tell everyone who asks was the truth. That he's been dead all along, waiting for our reunion in Heaven. I keep rewinding our last day together, trying to find my husband's murderer but all I see is the child we failed."

The last time she saw her son Ben was fifteen and reckless, the typical teenage boy who grew up in privilege. She'd managed to sneak in a free day in her horribly busy schedule and decided to surprise him at the Academy. Her son's careless grin was so calming, a balm to the soul after weeks on end of political bullshit and fighting with Han who wanted Ben to come home with them, completely unaware of the dark entity reaching towards their son's spirit in the shadows of his mind. There was a spring on his step and Leia could have sworn he was running. The effervescent joy faded once he caught sight of Leia, replaced by the strongest force shields she'd felt since Luke first mastered the camouflaging technique. He'd thought it was his father who had come an hour early, the ill-fitting orange flight suit Ben was wearing gave away their plans to test the new T-65 X-Wing fighter. Their conversation whilst waiting for Han was awkward, stilted and to make matters worse Ben put no effort into hiding his thoughts after Han called to say he'd arrive in a minute. She caught "Thank the Force Dad's coming. I'd rather be with someone who didn't regret having me since time immemorial" with her extremely limited training in the Force. How could he think that?! Didn't Ben know everything she'd done the last decade was for his sake?

She wasn't supposed to keep him. From the moments her pregnancy was diagnosed all the doctors told her it was too dangerous to bring this baby to full term. Vader's torture at Bespin had left her bone structure too frail, they told her with pitiful gazes that made her blood boil hotter than the Ewok's campfire. 'Princess Leia' was too valuable for the war effort to lose, especially now when Palpatine and Vader were dead, when they were so close to victory that its taste was on the tip of the tongue. Mon Mothma hadn't given Leia any of that 'we need you to abort' lip or pressured her to keep the baby either. The former Senator of Chandrilla/ Founder of The Rebellion had sat at the edge of Leia's bed, motherly to the core. Pain too deep for concealment laced the older woman's voice as she spoke about her son Jobin, the boy she'd conceived on her second marriage from a man 'who wasn't even a third of the man General Solo is' and how he was also a high risk pregnancy. Guilt filled Alderaan's princess for mostly remembering Major Jobin as the man who spit on Darth Vader before dying at the battle of Hoth* in that moment. ( _ **So many people lost to Vader's bloodlust**_... Seven planets and a lifetime afterwards she's still cleaning up his mess.)

Jobin was more than the recovered footage used by the Alliance to say 'the Rebellion will not be intimidated by Vader, Palpatine or anyone'. Few would recall the boy who hid with her and Winter in empty Senate chairs to catch a glimpse of their parents. The youth who taught Luke Coruscanti, who sang like a muse and composed a requiem for Alderaan which was first heard in an escape pod whilst evacuating from Yavin 4. Few would recall him but Leia knew from the way his mother spoke that Chandrilla's senator would have regretted purging him from her womb even more than it hurt to lose him. Han's giant smile when Leia informed him she was carrying their baby to full term was all the proof she needed to confirm this was the right thing to do. Ben Organa Solo fractured two of her left side ribs and bruised one on the right as a fetus. Nearly thirty years later Ben's finished the job by cracking Leia Organa's heart yet she still can't bring herself to think refusing Kylo Ren's abortion was the wrong choice.

 _No Ben I don't regret having you, even now that you've branded yourself a kinslayer but sometimes_ ** _I desperately wish_** _that Anakin Skywalker's sperm had only spilled deep enough for Luke's conception; stopped just after conceiving the twin that mattered_. (If mother and father hadn't adopted her then Alderaan would still be the jewel of the galaxy. If she hadn't made Luke promise to keep Vader's parentage a secret then they wouldn't have interpreted his silence as consent to their sire's crimes. If she'd never married Han Solo then he'd be sailing across the stars instead of being murdered by the son she bore him.) She'd confessed it to none of her psychologists, fearful they might sell her secret to some soul-sucking holo-reporter that'd label 'suicidal' on her. Perhaps she is mad on some foreign scale no one's measured with: time and time again the galaxy she serves has turned against her but Leia Organa Solo keeps coming back for more. Isn't that insanity? To repeat the same action over and over expecting different results? If so Luke was the only 'sane' person among them, he'd sought to erase himself from the game as a whole in the end, not work to out think their opponents as she did or try to pick off where they left as Han and Chewie did.

Maybe Luke had the right idea when he knowingly wed a barren woman and never sired any children before or after Mara left his life. By remaining childless her twin denied Snoke what Leia handed to the First Order on a silver platter: a living weapon molded from a Skywalker uncertain of his place in their world or any world, failing to understand why mommy and daddy and uncle Luke didn't just run away so the galaxy could realize how much it needed them. **HER SON** had needed his mother but he never said anything, like her Ben required somebody to notice what was wrong and she'd been too involved in saving the galaxy to see past the surface until it was too late. Just as Vader failed to notice the full brunt of his actions in his wars so too did his biological daughter fail to see how the consequences of her actions separated their family. (Too much Vader in Ben, too much Vader in **me**. He damned us all since conception with his poisoned DNA.) How she hates the curse etched into her veins via Anakin Skywalker's malignant genes. Her sire mated with Padme Amidala and created a dysfunctional mess of a family: far too human for the messianic destinies thrust upon them, far too powerful to be of the world without creating some kind of impact but oh so desperate to belong in it. History will not produce a bloodline more cursed than the Skywalkers, that she is certain of.

 _Karrde's still here, for kriff's sake why can't he just tell me what he wants?_

"Say whatever you need to say quickly."

"Who are you choosing to retrieve Skywalker?"

"Possible candidates: Ackbar if we can spare him, Wedge if he's still alive, maybe Winter. Luke might listen to them. Who do you have in mind?"

"Mara Jade Skywalker."

It's official: the last few days (or the last few years) have succeeded in rendering the old smuggler insane. That's why he's suggesting a pile of ashes retrieve her lost brother. It shouldn't surprise General Organa that Talon's chosen Mara as the focal point of his lunacy. Karrde was the one who found his surrogate daughter lying in a pool of blood and kept trying to wake her up, one of many images that will harrow Alderaan's princess for the rest of her days. Leia had to pry her sister in law's body off him and attempted to convince the poor man that Mara was in fact dead, it took Luke and Ben's mutual confirmation of her Force Signature disappearing for the smuggler to accept she was gone. Long-pending madness aside, Mara would have been the ideal choice to bring Luke home. The former Emperor's Hand had a sway over Luke, a subconscious connection neither of them could explain before or after they inevitably fell in love. If anything could get her twin to fight for the Republic again, it would be Mara and her serious arguments that managed to be no nonsense & deeply affectionate at the same time. Mara herself was a unforeseen beacon in the raging sea of the world, shining a light out of her hazel eyes that was completely different yet similar to the light held in her brother's cerulean orbs. They were a prefect duo: Mara was the flaming sword to his crucifix, the avenging angel determining the danger to Luke's angel of mercy keeping everyone at bay, crashed up against whatever enemy dared to threaten what they loved. The loss of her light was the start of Ben's undoing, the first twilight rays to the age of rebels.

Talon believes his surrogate daughter has been reincarnated within the girl that came in with Chewie and the recently named Finn, the young woman in whose company Han said it was impossible not to reminded of Mara. _**Rey,**_ the name Han uttered as if it could somehow finally set all the long, silent years right. The girl whose hug told Leia _I grieve with you, we move on_ and _we remember_ all at once. Leia hadn't spoken to that girl afterwards, there was work to done and the youth's debriefing was better handled by somebody who wouldn't start sobbing hysterically at the slightest mention of her husband's death. Kaydel had filled in the role of interrogator well but it seems her protege underestimated the danger of leaving a haunted old smuggler with a orphaned, impressionable young woman that in all likelihood wants a father figure as badly as Leia wants her brother back. (Kaydel who doesn't know she's force- sensitive. Kaydel who says Ipa ton nit lozn mir* in her sleep but raised her brows in confusion when Leia brought a freed slave to speak the language exclusive to Luke's people. )

"It has to be her Leia. No one understands Luke the way Mara does just as no one understood you the way Han did."

" **And how are you so sure that girl is Mara!? How are you so certain the impossible has happened?!** "

She says it acidly, venom carelessly gushing through every word in the sentence because she wants to humiliate him, wants to shove common sense into his head by force if she has to. Leia expected better of him: the fate of the galaxy all but lies in their hands and the most logical among those who lived past the Galactic Civil War places weight on a fantasy, one that has no historical precedents save a few campfire legends that people like Lor San Tekka wrote and collected in rickety paper journals.

"Because Mara's a Skywalker and Skywalkers have a habit of redefining what is and isn't possible. Talk to her and you'll see as I see."

Stars, the old man truly believes this girl is her sister in law, she can see it in the supposedly stone-set eyes that brim with genuine emotion. He has laid himself bare for her, done the closest to pleading his unflinching nature will allow him. Talon Karrde might be insane but who among them isn't? And hasn't he given enough to her, to Luke and to the Resistance for her to warrant a leap of faith?

"Out of respect for you I'll speak to Rey but don't expect me to welcome her with open arms. There's still a chance I may decide you need a psychologist."

"There's also a chance that just this once the Force decided to return a loved one instead of taking them away indiscriminately."

Leia's not proud of herself for avoiding the girl: It's not Rey's fault that Han is dead, most of the events leading up to his murder happened when she was just a kid. The rest took place before she was even born. But it's so tempting to rage at someone, anyone and 'Anakin Skywalker's' ghost isn't available for her to unleash decades of pent up rage and frustration. (Typical, the one time she needs him to feel better he avoids her like a virus crawling away from a bacta patch.) Resolute in her quest to find Rey she searches the Mess Halls, the Training fields, the Hangars and even the men's dormitories at one point much to their embarrassment. Leia doesn't see the girl partake in the post-battle celebrations or chat with people her own age at the recreation area. At the second day after Starkiller Base she re-reads Kaydel's report to reassure herself this girl is real because she's no stranger to bereavement hallucinations and Han's death shook her deep for Leia to acknowledge the possibility.

On the third day after Starkiller Base is destroyed Leia suppreses the urge to slap Dr. Kalonia for failing to inform her General Wedge Antilles and Colonel Wes Janson had been found on Malastare hours after their victory but promptly reminds herself that if she didn't report it to her that means they're in perfect health. Luke always told her Outer Rim doctors had a different view on what their superiors needed to know, Harter Kalonia proved her brother's words to be a massive understatement. The woman showed up on Leia's doorstep with a measly 10 thousand New Republic credits to donate for the cause, a hand-me-down bantha leather suitcase filled with medical supplies and a steadfast determination to join the Resistance. She'd refused to let General Organa see her references but Wedge vouched for her so Leia didn't see the harm in accepting a recruit. Fifteen years later Dr. Kalonia had made herself indispensable by taking the worst surgeries with a scant amount of supplies, showing just how privileged medicine was in the Core Worlds. Her loyalty was unquestionable but sometimes Leia felt the doctor's gaze bearing down on her, screaming something very similar to 'you abandoned us' but the reason behind that frigid stare was and still is a mystery. She receives that icy glare yet again when she visits Wedge and Janson who are laughing beside the youth Leia's spent three days looking for.

She hears the childish voice say "Tell me another story please." _And Talon says this is Mara? Does he think I don't remember her? Mara never liked asking for anything, especially things that discredit her persona of the woman built for war._

"Hey Rey: Did I tell you about the Ewok lieutenant in Rogue Squadron?"

"Janson: one more word and I'll murder you!"

"Rey sweetie don't worry: In Wedge tongue that means _I love you and hate the idea of a galaxy without you in it buddy._ You see Wedge-"

"Wishes you'd been blown into smithereens with the rest of Hosnian Prime so I wouldn't have to stop you poisoning the galaxy's youth!"

Rey taps General Antilles's shoulder to let him know they're being watched and leaves without saying a word. At the sight of Leia both men stand straight as church steeples, though Janson keeps the perennial look of amusement on his features. Wedge is quick to put Leia up to date on what happened and claims that neither he or Wes remember anything beyond the destruction of Hosnian Prime. They were burning to death on Hosnian Prime one moment and lying on Malastare the next. It's the truth or at least what they believe is the truth: Rogue squadron prides itself on the honesty of its members and even they weren't old rebels Antilles and Janson are her friends, Stars knows she barely uses that word for anybody. As Wedge falls asleep shortly after describing the fragments he gets about his missing hours Leia carefully checks her friend's force signature for any signs of manipulation. She expects a mind-block from Maz Kanata or Lor San Tekka's ghost to block traumatic memories, instead she finds remnants of her brother's force imprint on both of the old rogues.

 _Luke you saved them. Luke you brought Wedge and Wes back to me safe and sound but_ ** _why didn't you return to me_** _!?_ In that moment she hates Luke for staying away and erasing the minds of mutual friends to ensure he stayed hidden. Can't you see how much I need you Luke? Don't you realize Ben's fall was my fault, not yours? She feels the not so subtle call of the dark side, telling her to hate Luke for leaving her alone in this war. For saving Wedge and Wes but letting Han die and Ben brand himself a kin slayer. **NO!** Luke loves her, Luke will come back now once her chosen emissary arrives on his island. Doubt only leads to fear and fear is a stepping stone to the dark. She must reject all uncertainty, she must cling to belief, to faith. She is Leia Organa Solo, caretaker of Bail Organa and Padme Amidala's legacies and she will not fail her parents-

Leia's mantra is interrupted when the General senses a presence that no living being has felt for almost twenty years, leaving the darkness far behind. _**Mara?**_ _ **...Mara!**_ Time erases many things but force signatures are indelible once the person has familiarized himself/herself with the aura. They could cut off Leia's eyes, ears and nose yet she'd still recognize the presence she first searched thoroughly to watch out for signs of treason against her brother. (The irony of Leia later trusting no one with Luke's life more except Han is not lost to General Organa). Hoping beyond all rational hope Leia reaches for Mara's signature, her feet develop a mind of their own as the princess runs with a speed quicker than she believed age would her to run. Mara's not far, she's just behind this curtain. She opens the old drapes, unsure of what to say as the seemingly eternal instant in which they close the gap between her and Mara passes. Please don't disappear, please don't disappear. Leia expects a specter; she gets Rey standing over the defected storm trooper's bedside.

"General Organa. Is there something I can help you with?" _There'll be no living with Talon Karrde after this._

" **Rey...** Hello. How's your friend recovering?"

"Doctor Kalonia says he'll make a full recovery. Thanks for asking, I appreciate it. Are you here to see Finn too?"

"No actually I'm here for you."

"Me?"

"Yes. I've consulted with the highest authority available and we all agree that you should be the one to bring Luke home."

The girl's face morphs into pure shock. How strange to see Mara's eyes so young, so openly expressive. Gleefully Leia muses that Luke's heart will probably burst with happiness upon seeing his beloved wife so unguarded. That he'll probably suppress a love-struck grin every time she does something shamelessly innocent until she's ready for the truth.

"With all due respect General, I don't think I'm qualified-"

"You were chosen nonetheless. Besides you're force sensitive, Luke will help you with your powers."

"Do you really think Master Skywalker would listen to me? I'm nobody, he's more likely to insult my efforts than hear anything I say." _Oh sweet sister, you were spared a toxic idea of love but now you believe no one's ever loved you..._

"What you fear is not in his nature. And I have no doubt you'll succeed in this task. Who knows? You might come back a padawan."

Mara (Rey, she reminds herself.. She's not ready to be called anything else.) hugs her again. This time it says _thank you for believing in me._

 _ **Oh Mara Luke's going to be so happy once you two are reunited.**_

Notes:

*Don't know if Jobin Mothma is still Canon but at the very least the fact somebody spit on Darth Vader should be.  
*Ipa ton nit lozn mir: Father don't leave me in Amatakka, native Tatooine language spoken in secret by the slaves and biological/adopted bloodline of said slaves. It was heavily based on the Sand People's language.  
Hands out tin cup: comments please?


End file.
